It’s crazy, this season.
It’s a season of grace, of learning, of tears, of smiles, of keeping focus, of prayers and answers, of exhaustion, of excitement, of question marks and certainties, of whispered sweet nothings, of sharp words later regretted, of cloud nine, and of burdens too great to carry… Did I say it’s been a season of learning? Yes, that’s the bottom line.
Christianity is practical right now. How do I love the Lord? Many times it’s as I love him. My friend and I found an hour to spend together last weekend–a total rarity. We decided to end our conversation with prayer, an opportunity especially sweet because of how often shared prayer used to happen. Just as we had bowed our heads and quieted our hearts, my phone rang. It was his number, and so I answered, had a quick exchange, and then put my car in gear. “He needs me to do an errand, right now.” Her face was crestfallen, and I just laughed. “Welcome to my spirituality, friend, where finding God comes down to whether or not I’ll drop everything and run across town when he needs me to.” Yes, gone are the days of being single, a shift brought into sharp focus because of how fully I lived my single life, and how fully I am trying to embrace this new calling.
And so go my days. There are moments of still sitting silently with journal and pen, of singing love songs to my Savior, of plugging away at my Bible in a Year, but my life has changed. I still pray to see people raised from the dead, but I pray for things like pots and pans and mattresses, too.
I learn about myself, too. Edges I thought were long gone are re-appearing, and I find that I’m not quite as sanctified as I thought; I simply had learned how to get along with my family! Now there’s someone new, moving into close proximity, defying all sense of personal space, and I find that I need Jesus again to help me hold my tongue, to keep my temper in check, to encourage and not totally crush, to hold my tears at bay and take a hit now and then.
But I learn that Jesus is near, too. I’m amazed that as I open my heart, while there is the ability to be hurt and disappointed to whole new depths, there is the ability to know love in a new way, too. This one whose habits sometimes grate and cause me to get patience is the same one who is growing intimately acquainted with my weaknesses and shows grace and forgiveness. After a day of being what I think of as needy and demanding and critical, he smiles with tears in his eyes and tells me I’m wonderful. Hope springs eternal in our hearts, and morning after morning, after tears and upsets the day before, we love. But that sounds silly, I suppose, when what I’m trying to say is that we minister grace and words of life to one another. Our friendship began with Jesus Christ, and He continues to be the strongest cord that binds us. When our hearts are set on Him, are set on learning His ways and His words and His will, there is no end to the love poured out and shared between us. God Himself is there.
And as if that wasn’t enough, there is on top of all of that the destiny and purpose of God. There is the excitement of knowing that He is at work in us, and the desires of our hearts–to touch people’s lives and live fully for the glory of God, wherever and however and with whatever–will be given. We look back at almost 10 years of yesterdays and see God’s goodness; we look at today, at what He’s doing in our hearts, and we see His faithfulness; and still more, we look to tomorrow and see so many promises, as good as given, because we know who He is.
Now if I can only rein in these lofty thoughts and figure out what music I want for the wedding ceremony…!