Date Archives → March 2013

20 weeks

This little baby, growing in my belly, is halfway through his in-utero journey. That is hard to believe. Baby #4 has two big brothers who are ecstatic about his arrival (– “his” being used a general pronoun for human being of yet unknown gender. We like to be surprised at the very end!) He also has a sister who is growing quite infatuated with babies, her baby doll, and being bossy — all the makings of a fabulous big sister, no?

As for me, I’m just amazed and mystified at the fact that a baby, a human being, is created inside of me. And quickly, too! I’m also taken by surprise by the sheer amount of energy required of me for something that is almost invisible to my eye. (Can my shockingly round abdomen fit into the category of “almost invisible”?) I have struggled with deep frustration over my constant exhaustion, wanting to dismiss it as sheer silliness, something that I can surely ignore and just press through. But no. This baby already needs me, and I forget. I forget that I am legitimately mothering four people right now. And I am reminded that this can be a gentle easing into a life more dependent on the Holy Spirit than ever before, if I stop striving and just learn.

*****

A little tribute to my unborn baby seems an appropriate time to make sure local readership is aware of this unfortunate fact. It’s easy to ignore things like this, or make excuses for why action isn’t really required. But the truth is, your actions matter. They matter to bottom lines, to unborn babies, and most of all, to God. This is something Ryan and I are freshly challenged by. More on that in another post.

chatty

First, this: a long, lanky boy who climbed onto my lap and just wanted me to hold him.

It’s snowing. Not snowy, but snowing, seemingly every day. This is a long winter, for sure. But as eager as I am to just smell some fresh air and ditch the snow gear, I’m also appreciating a few extra weeks of the quiet that winter brings. Soon enough, I’ll add yards and gardens to cleaning muddy kids to my to-do list. For now, we just enjoy each other inside, and I focus my attention to the domain within these walls.

William went on a get-away with Daddy. Every single photo Ryan sent was of a beaming little boy. Every moment was super special and super exciting, and he came home with his little love-cup brimming to the top — and splashing over. What a special boy.

I was just made aware of the book “Ten Boys Who Changed the World”. Has anyone read that book, or any of the related books? I’d love to hear some feedback. Earlier this year, I read the boys a children’s biography of Amy Carmichael, and it was the best read-aloud yet. There hearts were so evidently stirred to love Jesus and believe in His power. Missionary stories were my favorite growing up, and Mama read several to us besides the ones I read myself, but I can’t think of too many that were particularly 4-year-old-friendly. So any feedback on the above title, as well as any other recommendations, would be appreciated!

I was reading a thread on Facebook last night, started by someone whose worldview is vastly different than mine. It just made me ponder again how thoroughly our worldviews inform our perspectives and values. We literally can’t see past them. Another’s worldview just seems ludicrous and impossible for us to really empathize with. So, in a world full of intelligent people who seem to have connected their dots in a completely different way than I have mine, how can I be so sure I have a leg to stand on? Is it really just a battle of wits, and popular vote? Or can you build your worldview on something altogether True? (Take a listen. It’ll take a few loads of laundry or a couple commutes back and forth, and it’ll be worth it.)

I’ve struggled with diastasis recti since post-William (or maybe even pre-William, but unaware?) Even after William, I didn’t really understand what it was, and when I couldn’t get rid of my baby belly, I did what anyone would do: more crunches! Little did I realize that I was making it even worse. Slowly, I’m learning more and finding exercises that require much diligence, but will hopefully lead to a mended abdomen after this baby. Do any of you have experience/knowledge to share?

Maybe it’s the snow, maybe I’m just a bit tired and behind, but we’re finally getting our sights set on Easter Sunday. Last night, Ryan talked to the boys about Resurrection, and why Jesus couldn’t just stop at Good Friday. Crucified and resurrected; sin and death beaten. We are forgiven, and we will live with Him.

On that note, maybe I can pass this along, too, for more listening material. Don’t spend your love on knowledge, morality, or activism: love and live for Jesus.

the best thing

We’re rounding the bend on the last lap of Homeschooling, Year Two. Of course, in many ways, I’ve counted this as Year One, since last year was kindergarten and ya just can’t mess that one up. (Find robin’s eggs, collect chestnuts, read favorite stories, look at globes, color and cut and glue, read lots of fun books, answer day-long stream of questions: check, check and fun, fun. Can we just do kindergarten again?)

First Grade is certainly not up there on the list of academically intense school years, but there are some pretty important Big Rocks that have to get in place. And with that big rock concept in mind, I’ve realized there is, hands down, one thing I did this year that was the best thing.

This:

Back in August, as a million ideas were swirling around in my head, and so many different options for which direction to head with science, history, read-alouds, etc, I took my notebook out to a green patch of grass (remember those? Patches of grass?) and asked the Lord to help me focus. I knew there were some Big Rocks I didn’t want to miss, and I also knew that I would need a lot of tethering and reining in to keep from losing track of them. So, prayerfully, I made a list of goals for First Grade.

I kept things simple. I made first thing first. I included not just academic goals, but life skill goals, as well — besides learning information, how else did I want my young boy to grow?

The reason I say this was The Best Thing is because I can’t tell you how many times I have pulled out this list when the waves of discouragement were threatening to suck me under (or had already pretty much succeeded), only to realize, to my shock and amazement, that we were on track!! Impossible! But no — there it was, in black and white, recorded before the year’s craziness and boredom and comparisons could set in.

Write the vision; make it plain.

If you’re like me — an idealist who is never quite measuring up to the lofty dreams that live in my head — then a Spirit-led list can be a tool used by the Lord to reassure and confirm that He is working faithfully in our lives. Lists, when I make them under the guidance of the Holy Spirit (rather than out of the frantic angst and frustration of “I’m always behind”) really help me to be still. It’s true of New Year’s Eve prayer cards, of Goals for First Grade, and also of “Today’s To-Do List.” Really! The sun sets, and I may look around and see plenty of things that didn’t happen, but the three things I felt were important that day did happen, and I’m actually able to hear the Holy Spirit say, “See? Well done. Just be faithful.”

18 months

Yes, a year and a half with our little girl. She changes and grows so quickly. Her spunk and attitude are keeping us on our toes lately, but she is quite confident that she has the whole house wrapped around her finger. We sure do love her, in spite of (and yes, even because of!) all of her bossy “No!”s.

Since before William was born, I’ve wanted to dress a little girl a la Patricia Polacco. I finally had the inspiration, energy, and quiet afternoon to make the peasant dress and pinafore that have been taking up brain space for way too many years:

Yesterday morning, I put her hair in pigtails. I almost didn’t, because I’d rather be in denial sometimes and continue to call her baby, but I couldn’t resist.

And then, a few hours later, my sister offered a trim and I said yes. Good bye, baby hair and pigtails. Hello, little girl.

A year and a half. Amazing. So fast. And every day, smiles, laughter, challenges, looking into her eyes and marveling that God puts these little people into our lives to shepherd and nurture and carefully shape into who He wants them to be.

hide it in your heart

I have always tried, with varying levels of diligence and success, to make Bible memory — and meditation, discussion, and application — part of our regular routine. How I decide on which passage to memorize varies, too — sometimes a theme that is particularly applicable to a current challenge, sometimes a simple gospel-in-a-nutshell verse, sometimes a passage I especially loved as a young girl. I want my boys to have truth deep in their hearts, woven into the very makings of who they are — and learning scripture as a child can have that profound, life-shaping effect. (It did for me! Thanks, Dad and Mom!)

Recently, I’ve also been stirred to choose passages that will lay a foundation for unwavering trust in God — His character, His ability, and His love toward them. (Yes, that’s a broad spectrum!) When my siblings were younger, they were involved in a children’s program that largely consisted of earning badges. One badge was called the Bible Smuggler badge, and in order to earn it, a child had to memorize a book of the Bible. The idea behind it is that someday, if they are traveling into a closed country where Bibles are forbidden, they will still be able to smuggle scripture in: it’s in their hearts.

Perhaps that scenario is in my children’s future. But also, looking ahead, I have to really wonder: will this be that country someday? Someday soon? Is it possible that my children will live in a world where every trace of Truth has been, according to man’s best effort, eradicated?

One thing we can count on is change. Also, sin. Also, a prowling enemy. I need to be diligent to teach them as much Truth as I can — and do it with a sense of purpose and priority. (When they encounter change, sin, and an enemy, I want their hearts to rise up with this: But God!)

This week, we’ve started Psalm 46: “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea…”

Can anything take you by surprise when that truth is in your heart, alive, giving hope, speaking of love and faithfulness?

(And speaking of faithfulness, my favorite song to sing at bedtime (for them and for me!) is Great Is Thy Faithfulness. Hymns are chock full of truth, too, and with melodies that help it stick!)

What are some of your favorite scripture verses to hide in your heart?

(boys, on their way to being men.)

in short:

…And another long silence here.

Sometimes life is just busy happening, and I don’t write. Sometimes, though, my head and heart are swirling with so many things, and what should be said? what does this mean? what do I think?

In February, we got back into routine: and we all thrive. Boys learned new chores and happily, proudly, rose to the occasion. School work gets done, books get read, piano is practiced, and playing is a wonderful privilege.

I think about holiness, which simply means living a life that looks more and more like Jesus in me. I remember how “friendship with the world is enmity with God” shaped so much of who I was as a young adult. Have I forgotten that? Have I grown too old, too tired, too “mature”? I hope not. I wonder what my idols are, where they’re hidden in the corners of my heart. I don’t want to confuse pregnancy exhaustion with soul complacency — and the one hides so conveniently in the shadows of the other. I ask myself again: What does it mean to be an alien in a foreign land? This is all passing away; do I live like that’s true?

I’m thankful for pilgrims, for patriots, for pioneers. I’m thankful for their spirit that continually sets an example. We (Ryan and I) talk at length and depth about their actions, their decisions, their words. We read Romans 13, and the Constitution, and ponder Lex Rex and what that means for us, in this day and age. We’ve been translated to the Kingdom of light, but we live out this life in families and nations; what does that mean? Things to wonder, and things that make this truth altogether clear: He has set eternity in my heart, and though the earth should be removed, my confidence is safely in Him.

These kids, this home, this church, this country, this passing Age, a King who has captured my heart: this, in short, is what is on my mind.