Nine months old.

I’m typing that quickly and moving right along, because dwelling on that fact will reduce me to tears.

Last week she figured out how to do an army crawl of sorts. Up until then, she’d been rolling over, over, over until she reached her destination. Suddenly, that phase is over. I was sad to see it go. It was just so cute. So now she’s all over the place, faster and faster.

And suddenly she cries — huge tears — when I lay her down to change her. Mobility has, for whatever reason, inspired a sudden willfulness that, until now, seemed nonexistent. It’s pretty funny how quickly she can cue the tears — and how suddenly they stop when I get her attention and firmly say, no.

She still is the easiest, easiest baby I’ve had. She still naps for hours (Jameson would give me 20 minutes, tops, until he was 18 months old!) and lays down eagerly when she’s tired. At night she sleeps with me, since that’s the most restful way for me to accommodate her when she wakes to nurse.

Her eyes are big and beautiful, and are more and more aware of what’s going on around her. Watching a baby grow, seeing their person develop, is just an amazing thing.

I just wish it happened a little bit more slowly.

I will give You thanks with all my heart;
I will sing praises to You before the gods.
I will bow down toward Your holy temple
And give thanks to Your name for Your lovingkindness and Your truth;
For You have magnified Your word according to all Your name.

On the day I called, You answered me;
You made me bold with strength in my soul.

All the kings of the earth will give thanks to You, O LORD,
When they have heard the words of Your mouth.
And they will sing of the ways of the LORD,
For great is the glory of the LORD.
For though the LORD is exalted,
Yet He regards the lowly,
But the haughty He knows from afar.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
You will revive me;
You will stretch forth Your hand against the wrath of my enemies,
And Your right hand will save me.

The LORD will accomplish what concerns me;
Your lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting ;
Do not forsake the works of Your hands.

Now and then, someone mentions that they’ve not really read much of the Bible, usually (if they’re talking to me!) they’re busy with kids, and they don’t really know where to start. With that in the back of my mind, I’ve decided to post a favorite passage, with or without commentary, for the next several days. Whether familiar or brand new to you, I hope you enjoy right along with me.

psalm 16:5-11

O Lord, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You maintain my lot.
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Yes, I have a good inheritance.

I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel;
My heart also instructs me in the night seasons.
I have set the Lord always before me;
Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will rest in hope.
For You will not leave my soul in Sheol,
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to see corruption.
You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Verses 5 and 6 are always in my heart — when I’m fearful about the future, wondering why my life is the way it is, worried that I’m not cut out for “it”, needing to surrender and declare that Jesus is my reward — those words keep me on track.

He gives counsel, He makes steadfast, in Him my heart is glad.

And “You will show me the path of life” — is there any greater truth?

Yesterday was a beautiful, sunny day. We were able to visit friends and sit in their yard for hours, watching kids play. Then a party celebrating the wonderful accomplishments of a dear friend from Cameroon (with amazing, amazing food. Wow.)

The boys and I walked home from church today. I just couldn’t get in the car when I stepped out of church and smelled spring. Now they’re napping, my husband and brother are hashing out javascript issues, and I’ve just cut a fresh bunch of daffodils. Down the road, sisters are preparing dinner for all of the local Sinclair members — a gift to Brietta and me for Mother’s Day.

And actually, all of these things — birds singing, baby kisses, washing dirty feet before bed, a house that is home even if it’s a bit messy — so many things are gifts.

For instance, because I’m posting more, I’m keeping my flickr account updated. And because I’m doing that regularly, I end up taking more pictures. And photos are just a way for me to see what I may otherwise miss.

Like yesterday:

Jameson, who was completely wrapped up in his coloring…

…William, who woke well before 6 and then found the day a bit hard to bear…

…and Beatrice, who has clocked twice as many hours in her basket as both boys combined. So sweet.

the men played golf

william pushed beatrice…

…and she loved it.

it got even better when she managed to suck her thumb, too

jameson loves to run waaaaay down the edge of papa’s lawn

auntie sarah’s got skillz, too

spiderman masks from auntie sarah!

going for a walk with sarah

beatrice and i had to wait on the path. no off-roading for us.

ho hum.

just kidding.

olive loved beatrice instantly

who can resist a chance to explore those rocks?

Today, therefore, was a planned pj day / don’t bother Mama too much day. Does anyone else get a little scared when you embark on those days? I mean, it could go really, really wrong. My kids are sweet and all, but they’re not angels, they make messes, and my house isn’t self-cleaning. I get nervous.

So, since I went into this sick day with such a remarkable heap of faith, I thought I should stop, pause, and say how blessed I have been.

Jameson, on his way to bed last night: “Mama, would you like me to pray for you?” (followed by the sweetest, most thorough and sincere prayer. Like, he really cared!)

This morning he announced, as soon as we were all up (at a very early hour), “Don’t worry, Dad, I’ll take care of William and Beatrice and even Mama!”

He and William then proceeded to get milk, syrup, juice, and dishes onto the table without me even asking.

He even offered to try his hand at pb&j. Really, he would!

(Aside: he’s just discovered that he’s been failing at his “L” sound, and so now is flipping his little tongue with such gusto every time he says one! I haven’t heard an L pronounced so distinctly since I was an accompanist in diction classes! It’s so, so cute.)

William came in and stood by the couch, took my hand, and asked quietly if I would sing a little ABC with him, please? (He, however, doesn’t even attempt L’s, so actually, he asked to sing a widow ABT. He doesn’t do real well with S yet, either.) We sang together, and his eyes just sparkled.

Jameson heard me turning on the TV and requested that we watch some “Tessa” together. That would be Ina Garten, and she has been our very favorite since he was about 18 months old.

Later I heard he and William in the kitchen, up to something. When I asked about their activity, Jameson said, “Oh, I’m just making a chore chart for my day. How do you spell, ‘Pick up for Mama’?” ARE YOU KIDDING?

(Should I be sick more often?)

And lastly, a cute William anecdote that I just can’t forget. I was reading The Long Winter yesterday at naptime. We were reading about Laura and Carrie’s harrowing journey from their schoolhouse to Pa’s store through a terrible blizzard. They couldn’t see the adults they were supposed to be following, but at one point, “Laura suddenly felt Miss Garland’s coat.” William’s eyes were HUGE with intensity and concern, and he blurted out, “But Mama! Was Miss Garland in her coat?” I forget how very literal, and yet how very magical, the world is to a three year old.

Speaking of magical, our next book came from the library. Roxaboxen is the biggest hit we’ve had in awhile, I think. One read through, and the boys were hooked. It’s their world, after all.

P.S. And Ryan brought home the very cutest card for me. Yes, I am very loved.

At least, that’s what sometimes happens in my world.

So, Friday drive, Saturday visit, Sunday drive again — that was my weekend. And yes, it’s a long drive. My kids are peaches. I think all of those early plane trips to and from California made them thankful to at least be in a car for 8 hours. (I know I sure am!) A bag of books, a snack, the wonderful anticipation of when Mama will say yes to watching a movie, singing along to worship music, and just staring contentedly out the window — it keeps them awfully happy. Or maybe they’re just pretty happy kids. Either way, it’s fun to travel together.

day one:

first things first: chocolate chip muffins

early morning preparations

on the road

beatrice figured out that there was a movie behind her

our favorite Burlington stop

a dramatic day for driving through beautiful mountains

happy to watch a movie!

our fearless leader

us

Isn’t that so much of what being a mother is — being needed, and responding to the point of deep personal sacrifice? I’ve been thinking about that a lot, lately, and hopefully will be able to get those thoughts out clearly at some point. But for now, it hovers in the back of my mind, making me rethink motives and reactions.

Sometimes it’s a sweet baby who really doesn’t ask for much at all, and of course I’ll cuddle you, you growing-too-fast baby doll! Sometimes the need is from an exhausted and wound up boy whose wildness is just not quite as adorable. Still, he needs me. He needs me to not snap, to not just get him in bed as fast as I can and be done. He needs me to remind, to train, to guide, and to do it all with patience that speaks of love.

To pour out our lives — that is the call. And there is grace.

I’m behind in laundry, which is nothing new. Every once in awhile, I’m totally and completely on top of it for ONE WHOLE DAY. Ahh. It’s awesome. And then it’s over. Oh well.

I wrestled with a monstrous mint plant that was threatening to overtake our yard. Chopped it up, put it in its own special corner, and am hoping it will be happy in its new home. We love mint iced tea, and water with lemon and mint. Tastes of summer!

I also straightened and enlarged a little patch of earth outside my kitchen window, where I’ll plant lettuce and herbs. I really enjoy working outside and am usually looking for something else I can do (that requires no trips to the store, or any money, for that matter.) Besides the fresh air and exercise, it’s also a good opportunity for me to confront my perfectionist tendencies that threaten to steal the joy in every new endeavor. You know. You don’t know what you’re doing, this probably looks terrible. Just stop wasting time and go do laundry. Yes, it’s a good chance for me to work hard and sing, “Do my best!” with a cheerful heart, no matter how clueless I really and truly am.

I told the kids to hurry through their morning chores and go outside. “All day?!!?” Yes, all day. (They’re having a blast.)

Dinner plans have been elusive this week. What to make, what to make… Yes, it’s 4:14 and I’m still asking that question.

The world outside my window is just beautiful right now. The wind coming smells like life and newness. The little voices I hear are cheerful and full of laughter. Ten thousand blessings for my heart to find.

For the last few weeks, I’ve been reading and thinking about Colossians 3:12-19 — there’s lots to think about:

So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience ; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone ; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body ; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father. –Colossians 3:12-19