Now wait just a minute…
When it’s time for boys to fall asleep, they say goodnight, perhaps give a kiss, and then rollover–’cause that’s what you’re supposed to do; that’s why they call it sleep. But girls? No. Girls want to wait ’till you’re just about dozed off, then without warning, declare that you have nice thumbs!
Nice thumbs? Huh. Apparently girls talk about guys thumbs a lot.
I read this a few weeks ago in Disciplines of a Godly Man, about Robertson McQuilkin, the former President at Columbia International University. It is his resignation letter, served when his wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. It moved me, and I want my life to emulate his.
Twenty-two years is a long time, but then again, it can be shorter than one anticipates. How do you say goodbye to friends you don’t wish to leave? The decision to come to Columbia was the most difficult I had to make. The decision to leave twenty-two years later, though painful, was one of the easiest. It was almost as if God engineered the circumstances so that I had no alternatives. Let me explain. My dear wife, Muriel, has been in failing mental health for about twelve years. So far I have been able to carry both her ever growing needs and my leadership responsibility at Columbia. But recently it has become apparent that Muriel is contented most of the time when she is with me, and almost none of the time when I am away from her. It is not just discontent, she is filled with fear, even terror that she has lost me, and always goes in search of me when I leave home. So it is clear to me that she needs me now, full time. Perhaps it will help you understand if I share with you what I shared in Chapel at the time of the announcement of my resignation.
The decision was made in a way forty-two years ago when I promised Muriel to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, till death us do part. But there is more. She has cared for me fully and sacrificially for all these years. If I care for her for the next forty years, I would not be out of her debt. Duty, however, can be grim and stoic. There is more—I love Muriel. She is a delight to me. I don’t have to care for her—I get to. It is a high honor to care for so wonderful a person.
Budgets? Yeah, but so much more. These past few months have been frantic. It is a vast understatement to suggest that I was under-prepared for this season.
I’ve not just budgeted blindly, but scoured and ruminated the counsel of Dave Ramsey, Warren Buffett, William O’Neil, and my local CPA. And all of this takes time—something I lack these days.
“Only 41 days!” Ryan pulls out his hair, “AGGHHHHH!!”
I filed my taxes, a massive undertaking of elephantine proportions, even with the automatic extension. I don’t mind them too much; they’re like a game. Remember Mad Libs from the eighties? Well now, instead of nouns and verbs, it’s income and deductions. All so much fun…’till the last line anyway.
Going forward, it appears I’ll be working for a great company in California. I’ve been consulting with them for years, and now they’re ready for more hours than I’m able to devote in my spare time. They’ll become my primary client, and I’ll leave Clarkson and work from home (here in upstate New York) for the first-year anyway. I feel like I’m just starting to settle in at Clarkson, just starting to get comfortable; I’m not too excited to leave them all.
With a big contract comes the need for Incorporation—to help reduce the tax burden of self-employment. So we’ve filed our Articles of Incorporation, and I guess I’m now the president or something of a company!
Along with all this money talk, I’ve been trying to automate our financial life. (We’re really not geeks, we just DO NOT want to think about this stuff after the wedding.) For that, Quicken and online banking are blessings.
“It’s amazing what you can do with computers these days, ain’t it Ethel!”
Where we’ll live has been the “next big hurdle.” Our lives as singles have been spent mostly in Potsdam, but the surrounding towns offer less expensive (and often nicer) accommodations. This is on the critical path for me, because I don’t want be homeless on our honeymoon; the thought stresses me out. More, my lease expires in two weeks, and I’d like to move in before Danica—gotta make sure I get the bigger bedroom!
“Now those classified ads are around here somewhere.”
Of course, there’s also the little daily details: I just got measured for my tuxedo, though still haven’t settled on a style. Life insurance (20 or 30?), and I’ve been researching beds and everything else we need by July.
“How many coils does this have maam, and what gauge?”
Don’t forget my 9-5 either, and trying to execute an LDAP-based identity management service for Clarkson before I leave.
Again, Ryan pulls out his hair: “AGGHHHHH!”
And with all these things, I have the counsel of good men in my life (Mike, Rick, Alan, Gard, and my Dad) who all provide direction to some kid trying to become a man, overnight.
But really, it’s God I need at the end of the day, because I’m in way over my head. See, there’s this wonderful girl I love so much, and she needs me to be strong, to give when I have nothing more to give. And at that place, I run out of ideas and words fall short to inspire me. It’s there that I am faced with the shallowness of my pride, where my response must be new depths of humility. And that, no man can show me the way, for only God can give me the grace I need.
Oh to be saved from my sin! I cannot imagine life without Him.
She loves God.
I often find myself sitting in wonder at what has become of my life—to be uniting to someone so wonderful, so precious. I remember some ten years ago, when I first became a Christian, I had no idea what joys were in store for me. I believed in Jesus, but really I had no idea that He’d make Himself so real to me and show Himself so tangibly good.
I now find myself oft forward-looking; I wonder: “what’s life gonna be like after this wonderful young woman spends 5 years focused on ministering to me alone?”
I’m gonna be different. I am already.
“An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.”
When creating this website, I had high hopes of daily posting the nuances of delight I experience in walking alongside my beloved–she’s certainly everything wonderful–but I find myself too often unable to articulate such marvelous inexplicability.
Ah well, I am not alone:
“There are three things which are too wonderful for me, Four which I do not understand: The way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a serpent on a rock, the way of a ship in the middle of the sea, and the way of a man with a maid.”