aha — a draft from awhile back, rediscovered:

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So, what is the key to desire? How is it awakened? Should I simply make it a matter of prayer? Should I discipline myself and begin to act as one who desires, hoping that desperation will actually kick in?

No. Desire for God begins with God Himself. He, after all, is the Great Initiator. He created life in Genesis 1, and He continues to be the only life-giving power at work on the earth today. If I examine my heart, and find that the once blazing fires of desire have become lifeless coals, it is He who must come and hover over my soul’s darkness, working to bring forth life.

Poetic. So, how does this work?

A desire for the Lord begins with an encounter. Hunger and thirst for Him are only acquired when we have tasted and drunk of His abundance. He first finds us, and thus we begin our pursuit of Him. Funny, perhaps, and not quite the way we’d imagine it to work, but nonetheless, true.

Would we have desire? Then let us first become broken, emptied of our striving and self, and in contrition be still — waiting. The promise is that He is near to such humble hearts, and once He has drawn near, the beauty and awe-inspiring greatness of all He is will stir our hearts to passion and pursuit.

When my heart is far, come find me…

oh my goodness.

nothing since february 17th — weeks and weeks.

how terrible of me.

have i lost all of you at this point?

if not, i might soon…

for this is nothing more than me noting my terrible lapse, typing a hasty apology, and signing off again.

until another time, then, when there are more thoughts and more energy.

I know, I know. It’s been awhile.

I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth or forsaken all things internet-related. I’ve just been, well, out of it. Sick, tired, and just not myself.

But I’ll persevere, and in a month or so, I might just rediscover that I’m a morning person, that breakfast hasn’t always induced a nauseous reaction, and that I have a personality! I’m very much looking forward to all of that!

In the meantime, though, I’m taking it a day at a time, enjoying the moments of energy that I do have, and enjoying good books the rest of the moments.

And thinking about how intimately acquainted God is with my life, with our lives. How near He is to all who call. How much I love worship. How much of Him there is to learn. How far I have to come, and how patient and faithful He is along the way. How I’m in over my head, but that I always have been, and He’s always been my only hope. And has He ever failed me? No. Never.

Studies have shown that the development of a baby’s mind is aided by listening to Mozart or Bach in utero.

I figure, if that’s true, then Schumann, Mendelssohn, and Chopin will aid in emotional development, right? Of course right!

And so we do a little of both: Itzhak Perlman covers the Bach violin concertos, and I dust off my Romantic repertoire. (Poor little guy — his patience is probably seeing more development than anything else!)

It’s now 1:00.

The absolute end of the morning.

Unfortunately for me, “morning sickness” is a misnomer, and 1:00 is not the magical hour of health.

Hey, I’m getting a lot of reading done!

Now wait just a minute…

When it’s time for boys to fall asleep, they say goodnight, perhaps give a kiss, and then rollover–’cause that’s what you’re supposed to do; that’s why they call it sleep. But girls? No. Girls want to wait ’till you’re just about dozed off, then without warning, declare that you have nice thumbs!

Nice thumbs? Huh. Apparently girls talk about guys thumbs a lot.