June: green gardens, green soul.

In no particular order, June so far:

A well done piano recital, Jameson off to D.C. with his high school classmates, evening strolls with Daddy, gardens tended and enjoyed, beautiful daughters, kindergarten completed, 8th finished and a launch into high school, last year’s geranium loving its life as an indoor plant.

Birds in the morning, soft sun on lush green, pollen making my head fuzzy and slow. Pink and green my absolute favorite colors — at least, in June.

Deep in my soul, the Holy Spirit shaping me, tending me, even enjoying me. Digging my roots deep into gospel truth, rivers of grace, letting my leaves unfurl, lush green. Days of quenching dew and gentle sun and a breeze that makes 75* more than perfect — days of dry and harsh heat, or torrents that threaten to drown and erode. No matter that climate around my soul, I am firmly planted, green-leafed, fruit in season as I allow myself to be shaped, tended, fed by HIM.

a bit about Mother’s Day, a lot of Just Because photos

(These pictures are Just Because.

Half of the pictures I don’t even take, but instead are happy surprises of moments or vignettes that my children think to capture. This is even more fun — to be busy living my life only to realize that they are as happily aware of blessed as I am.)

I must write that my Mother’s Day was the laughably perfect Mother’s Day:

I got to play keyboard for my son, who led worship at church. Jameson was the drummer and I got to enjoy his brand new 8″ mahogany Gretsch snare with him. (Those details mean almost as little to me as they probably do to you, but I know that he loves it!) My lovely daughters helped Ryan get everyone else to church with plenty of time to spare.

I was thrilled to share a message at church for my fellow moms.

Ryan grilled perfect steaks for dinner, which was enjoyed around the dining room table amidst laughter and chatter. A stunning bouquet was the centerpiece, also thanks to Ryan, and the kids gave me sweet handmade cards filled with touching sentiments that just must be saved forever!

The boys rested and watched basketball (I think?) while the girls and I took our Ben and Jerry’s to the beautiful outdoors and had a nice little girl party.

I finally returned indoors to find that — oops! — the dinner clean up memo had been missed and a disaster awaited me. Classic! That’s okay. Moms are very good at expedient clean up, and I put my talent to work in a jiffy.

An hour or so outdoors with my own dear mom, brothers, several sisters, and their families was the cherry on top! Then home, utterly exhausted, to bathe children who were supposed to be bathed Saturday night but oh well. You win some, you lose some, but really, I think we’ll all live.

And I couldn’t get bedtime started quickly enough. I happily fluffed my own pillow and collapsed before 9pm. A full day of mom-ing. A full day of being loved, which I do not take for granted.

And waking up to the dawn of another full day in which I will take my place, simultaneously buckling on my sword while resting in the grace of Jesus. Here’s to another year of motherhood!

Daffodils from Fiona, birds’ nest from Beatrice — do gifts get any lovelier?

life, to the hilt

Oh, life! So, so, so much. Little toes to tickle, letters to learn, papers to grade, hearts to win, arguments to hear, schedules to straighten, rides to give, priorities to sort, a husband to love, passports to procure, ballet buns to pin, beds to change, hair to trim, smiles to give, cheeks to kiss, tantrums to tame, worship to lead, scripture to share, phone calls to receive, wisdom to seek, meals to plan, choirs to teach, friends to connect with, sisters to keep up with, vitamin C to pass out, baths to run, clothing to sort, plants to water, parties to host and dinners to serve, visitors to welcome, and oh yes! Exercise and water and feeding my soul.

So something has to give, and I see it in my sparse camera roll, my neglected writing (and let’s be honest, my dirty refrigerator, my dresser-top piles, and the barely-noticed daffodils.)

I find this to be a season summed up in two favorite quotes by two favorite heroes, Jim and Elisabeth Elliot:

“Wherever you are, be all there! Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God.”
“Just do the next thing.”

We are living to the hilt, for sure, and while there is the knowledge of being stretched, of much being demanded of Ryan and me, there is abundance and running over. Laughter of children and excitement over what we’re all doing and rich moments gathered together in prayer and putting our backs into it, as it were, all together, heave ho. I may not quite recall all the fuzzy moments of March and April, but we lived it!

Jesus is so good. So faithful and so near. He is the answer for every befuddling encounter we have in life — mine, yours, all of it. The small cares and anxieties, the global conflict that is larger than any man. He stands forever as the Savior of the world, and He is the Way of life and overcoming.

lean on Him.

Snow day on a February morning. Wind blows, snow piles, schools close. Light candles, breathe deep, plan for slow.

A favorite verse from childhood, a melody I’ve sung hundreds of times in moments of fear, anxiety, and overwhelm:

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength. (Isaiah 26)

Keep: to keep, guard, watch; preserve, guard from dangers
Stayed: to lean or lay upon, rest upon, lean against; to support, uphold, sustain; to sustain, refresh, revive
Trusteth: to trust in, have confidence, be secure; to feel safe; bold, secure, confident, hope, sure

The God who is wants to guard you — you! — as you lean completely upon Him. You can trust Him.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path.”

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

love what you do.

Once in awhile I’ll have a kid observe me performing some menial task and ask, “Mama, do you like changing diapers/washing the toilet/matching socks/cooking dinner/making the bed?”

It’s always a funny question because on the one hand, most often it’s asked in relation to a chore that no one in their right mind would list as their favorite activity. But it’s become an increasingly funny question over the years because I generally find myself trying to explain why YES, in fact, I do kind of like doing this boring or dirty or endless job.

You know what the secret to living a fulfilled life of purpose is?

Love what you do.

No, that’s not a typo and I didn’t get it backwards. While everything around us (and our carnal hearts within us) screams, “Do what you love! Settle for nothing less!”, we find ourselves transformed by the Holy Spirit until one day we’re confessing crazy things like, “I delight to do YOUR will, oh my God!”

His will becomes a delight. He calls me, and enables me, to love what I do.

And what is His will?

He shows me. He shines the light of His Truth on the shadows of life, and suddenly daily acts of service are seen to have meaning and worth. Nothing is beneath me, because nothing is beneath His notice. Making a name for myself starts to seem a bit like vanity when I see the incredible value of the people around me. Better is one day in His courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. Wherever His presence is, there I find joy.

What has God called you to today?

Maybe it’s not your dream job. Maybe you feel like a square peg in a round hole. Maybe you’re hoping this is a stepping stone on the way to somewhere else.

But maybe it doesn’t matter.

Not in the equation of purpose and joy. Those things exist in nowhere and in nothing else but Jesus.

Maybe you’re raising babies and feeling like you’re not cut out for it, and overwhelmed by the never ending cycles of mundane work that are not what you were picturing. Maybe it’s older kids who are giving you a run for your money.

Maybe you were born a woman and that mere fact chafes against your soul.

I’m telling you: the secret to a life of purpose and meaning is found right here, right in this moment, right inside the lines He drew for you. You can love what you do when you realize it’s the thing He’s asking of you. “I delight to do You will, o my God!”

Do you? Do you delight in that?

Oh, many times have I paused and confessed in anger, in weariness, in frustration: My soul is freaking out and I’m not good at this and I hate it. God, show me Your ways. Let me see this in Your light. Set me free from selfishness and striving. I want to delight in Your will!

And He answers. Through His Word, by His Spirit, He washes me with truth and leads me in paths of righteousness.

And somehow, years later, a kid asks me, “Do you like making dinner every night?”, and I pause and realize, there is delight in this task because I am doing it with Jesus, for the people He’s asked me to give my life to.

Pretty much, kid. Pretty much I love what I do.

sisters

And then there are my girls. I have so much I could say, and will another time. But for now, their days together are so perfectly summed up in this little video I managed to snatch the other day. Oh, it made me smile to walk in and find them making music together! The little girl-tribe, finding joy and friendship in one another each day. Their hearts find fullness, yes, but aren’t the rest of us the blessed ones, to be living around the bubbling-over fount of joy?