Observations of a First-Time Father

  1. No book or video will ever prepare you for the horrific loss of blood–all the more if she’s an anemic red-head! (…worse than a train wreck my friend…worse than a train wreck.)
  2. An initial diaper change will precede no less than three more.
  3. Newborns have no necks.
  4. The art of breastfeeding requires a minimum of a bachelor’s degree. (Rooting, Latching, Weaning–oh my!)
  5. Inspect your clothing before leaving the house; you’re sure to have spit-up on you someplace.
  6. Public bragging on your child will only initiate an excessive and earsplitting bowel movement from within them. Resist the temptation; it’s not worth it.
  7. Within days after the birth, you’ve learned the location of every dish and specialty utensil. “Mr. Mom” never sounded so right.
  8. Purell–it’s a beautiful, beautiful thing.
  9. Don’t worry: after the initial shock of reentry into the grocery store, you’ll quickly recall the location of all your favorites from bachelorhood. (Mmmm, pork rinds!)
  10. When she gets that look in her eyes–a little emotional–trust me, do not try and understand, just smile gently; it will pass. (Oh may it pass!)

4 Comments Observations of a First-Time Father

  1. kathy moulton

    yay- comments!

    I liked #3 and #8.

    Oh. And it’s only just begun. By next month we’ll all be waiting for another list.

  2. Christel

    Wonderful web site. Lots of useful info here.
    I’m sending it to a few pals ans also sharing in delicious.
    And certainly, thank you to your sweat!


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.