me and my buddy

On Wednesday evening, our midwife came for the home visit. This was when she explained to us what was in the birth kit that I had dutifully ordered, took a tour of our home (including closets with extra towels and such — how often do yo include those in your tours?), and talked with us about how we envision this birth happening. It was so fun to have her here, and suddenly this coming baby is so much more of a reality.

That night I dreamed I went into labor and delivered the baby with only two pushes. Obviously I’ve got pushing on the brain.

So my days of late alternate between huge nesting urges, exhausted and hormonal do-nothing days, and days of wanting to just be with Jameson. More and more I’m realizing our time together, just the two of us, is coming to an end. He’s been my little buddy for over two years (I still can’t believe that!), and I have loved every moment of it. Of course, I’m looking forward to another little love joining the family, but, well, that’s all still very future and hypothetical in some ways. What’s very real to me right now is that I love taking walks with Jameson’s little hand in mine. I love sharing special lunches, just him and me, talking about trains and birds and squirrels and bikes and whatever he happens to see. I love pretending his little games, and being his playmate of choice (when Daddy’s not around, that is.)

I bet if I were to ask my mom about the days when it was just her and me, she’d find the recollection a bit fuzzy. And so I guess I’m just feeling the urge to crystallize, as much as possible, these special memories.


All that said, the saddest part of having Jameson was when we brought him home from the hospital, and there was no one there to care. Shameful! Every baby should be welcomed by hurrahs and kisses from siblings, and I can’t wait to introduce this baby to a brother who already loves them.


One more thing: I’ve been meaning to send this question out into the blogosphere and hear what you have to say. Any tips as I transition from one to two?

9 Comments me and my buddy

  1. Kim Flack

    I have one tip for you as transition from one to two. I’ve read, and learned first hand, to tend to the toddler first if both are crying because the toddler is the one who will remember. I find it natural instinct to take care of the newborn right away because they are so helpless, but on the contrary, you should always tend to the toddler first. Just thought I’d share that with you from my own experience!:-)

  2. Keila

    I totally love that picture too!!! And I agree with Kim on tending to the toddler first. On “borrowed” advice ( I received this from your sister), when you can’t tend to the toddler first for whatever reason, make sure don’t bring the little one into the reason for being unable to see to Jameson right away (i.e. “I’ll give you your juice when I’m done nursing the baby”) so he doesn’t resent the baby for taking his place. I know it sound simple, but it required effort on my part to reword my phrases to make it easier on Elena waiting for something without attaching her new little sister to the reason for the waiting.

  3. Abigail Daniels

    The transition from one to two isn’t nearly as hard as the transition from none to one! You will be a bit busier and your attention will be divided, but it won’t be as hard as a lot of people make it sound!

    Before I had children of my own, I once asked Karen Murchison how she handled 10 kids. (This was during the time when Kathleen was in the hospital with leukemia) Her response stuck with me. She smiled and said “oh, just one thing at a time. One cup of juice at a time, wiping one face at a time and giving one hug at a time.” That perspective has helped me a lot when I have all three kids needing something at the same time. I just pick which thing I am going to take care of first, then work my way through what each child needs.

    Remember that the first weeks will be a big transition for everyone. Not only will you be going through hormonal adjustments, but you will be emotionally adjusting to having two little ones to care for. Ryan will be adjusting to having a much more tired wife and leading your family through the transition. Jameson’s world will look very different overnight. I think that if you are expecting these transitions it helps a lot. Don’t expect everyone to be adjusted overnight. It takes time!

    One more thing (sorry this is so long) that I think is important is that it is never too early to teach our children to sacrifice. It is hard on us as parents sometimes, but they can learn to sacrifice and give for the new baby. It isn’t wrong to explain to a toddler that we are learning to love our new baby more than we love going to the playground etc.

    I’m looking forward to hearing about this little ones arrival! Keep up the good work and enjoy these last pregnant days!


  4. brietta

    I’m not gonna lie: 2 was my hardest transition yet. I think it would have been easier if MY mentality had changed beforehand to recognizing how much more “independence” (skipping naps, delaying meals, running around for an entire day) costs once you have 2 instead of 1. But it was so worth the transition! I think, like Abby said, if you know beforehand that it’s going to be major change, that helps. People had told me 2 wasn’t really any harder than 1, and so I naively went into mothering 2 thinking it was going to be a cake-walk. It was just a bad expectation!

    Like Keila said, I tried my best not to always throw Bronwyn into the mix when teaching Gabriel about patience. There were certainly plenty of occasions when I explained to him that the baby needed me first and that he needed to accommodate her, but I didn’t want to always throw her under the bus. I’m not sure that’s absolutely necessary or if it was just the Spirit of God specifically for raising Gabriel, as now I see that he is a child who tends toward resentment of others/self-pity very easily.

    Jameson will love this new baby so much! And now that you’ve experienced giving birth and recovering, you’ll know how to manage your body much better. I found the recovery the second time around to be so much better, and I think it was largely just that I knew what worked!

  5. Stacie

    Oh, I remember those days before Seth was born pretty vividly…

    I remember sitting up one night and rocking my almost 2 year old to sleep (which he did not need and I was not in the habit of doing). I just felt I had to. I kept looking down at Joel curled over my big belly and thinking that he had no idea what was about to happen.

    I went into labor with Seth at 2 or 3am Thanksgiving morning, got into the shower trying to slow things down and see if it was the real deal, but it only got more intense. By 6, Joe had woken Joel up and set him on our bed in his PJ’s, so I got dressed, went in and started to change his diaper and dress him, having to pause every couple minutes with the contractions.

    Joe came in and started to take over for me, but I stopped him and said “Please. I can do it… These are my very last minutes with just us.” I knew once we got in the car, we’d start to call relatives, then pull up at the hospital and my dad would switch Joel to his car and the next time I saw him, there would be 4 of us.

    I can still remember how dark the room was lit by one lamp and the quiet, solemn look on Joel’s face while I slid on his bear slippers and combed my fingers through his hair to tame his bed-head. As excited as I was to deliver Seth, I distinctly remember sensing a twinge of pain in my heart.

    This time around, there’s an exciting buzz of three little people who can’t wait to pounce on this baby. It’s all so much less poignant, but yet at night when I lay next to Mariah, who sleeps with her hand cupping my cheek and refers to me as “MY mommy”, I start to think “She has no idea…” and I once again find myself wondering how I can ease the transition for her.

  6. Carole

    Hi Danica. I loved the last couple of posts on homebirth and viewing birth as a natural process. Lovely. I look forward to hearing the great news of your homebirth.

    As far as the transition from one to two, I would have to agree with Brietta: it was challenging! With one child mothering is a huge task, but one that still permits you to feel that you have some control over things. :) I remember with two feeling like, “whoa, there’s no getting out of this motherhood thing now!” So a lot of it is actually a mental processing of feelings and making sure to care for yourself (appropriately) while giving so much of yourself out.

    On a more practical note: take it easy, give yourself time to adjust, don’t compare yourself with other moms, and take lots of naps!

  7. Amanda

    Oh I am so excited for you!!!! My homebirths were so wonderful!!! Everyone thought it was basically a planned murder/suicide, but they were wonderful! My last baby is two and I miss the excitement of the lead up to birth LOL.

    As for transitioning, well we had no trouble as our oldest had been praying for a baby sister all along so he didn’t even flinch when we told him he was going to be a brother LOL. He was like “I know, I asked God for a sister and He’s going to give me one!” (He did too!)


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