Post Category → childbirth

william’s HOMEbirth

Birthing at home: ahhhhh.

Honestly, once the ball started rolling, I was not really even aware of the “strangeness” of what we were doing. It was so completely easy and natural. It was wonderful. I honestly don’t know how I could ever go to a hospital again. Really. The thought makes me want to cry, and I swear it’s not just the hormones.

As labor progressed, not having the decision of when to go to the hospital looming over me was such a relief. There was no pressure at any point to feel like I had to know. It was all so fluid, so go-with-the-flow, just waiting for nature to take its course. Emotionally, being able to just settle back into my couch and not have another thought for what the next moment would, could, or should hold was amazing.

In early labor, when I could still crack jokes between contractions, and when Ryan could still dare to ask things like, “So, does it hurt?,” my mom quietly was lighting candles, making pretty arrangements in the bathroom, on the dresser in my bedroom, in the living room. I suppose you might not actually take note of such things when in the throes of childbirth, but I did. The first time I walked into the bathroom and saw the tea lights reflecting off of crystal, I was overwhelmed by how beautiful everything was. It was my home, the place I work so hard to make lovely. There were no dimmed hospital lights (with a spotlight ready for when the pushing began), no plastic beds and metal bedrails, no clammy tile floors that scream “Industrial!” Small things, yes, things that didn’t faze me last time around, yes — but still. If you could have one or the other?…

It was my home. Ronnie, the midwife, was clearly in charge of managing the birth — but it was my birth. I felt the whole time like I could tell her what I wanted, and that would be that. I could say, “No, I don’t want to be checked, I want to wait until I can’t stand it,” and that was fine. That’s what we did. Granted, it was my second time around, so I was a little less of a rookie, but I felt so much more confident during the second stage of labor than I did with Jameson. Again, just no pressure. Awesome.

When things got intense, guess what? No one was there to strap monitors on me, insist that I change my clothes (what are they thinking???), or ask me to sign paperwork. Need I say more?

And when it was time to push, the midwife suggested what she considers the ideal position for such things, a position that would be impossible at the hospital where Jameson was born. And I have to say, it would seem that she was right. For such an uncomfortable moment in a mother’s life, it was the most comfortable I can imagine. :)

But best, best, best of all was that when little William was at last delivered and set into my arms, and we were helped onto my bed and made comfortable in a nest of my pillows, I was home. That was that!

The care that Ronnie gave me after the birth was stellar. Obviously I can’t vouch for this as an across-the-board homebirth feature, but having one person spend hours with me during lengthy, chatty prenatal visits also attend my birth, doing her best to help me succeed at what she knew my goals were AND care for me for the next hours of recovery was just grand. When Jameson was born, I had very sweet and kind nurses, but, well, I was just another patient who they had to get through their mandated procedures. That meant getting up when their chart said I should, whether or not I almost passed out from sudden loss of blood. (NOT PLEASANT memories.) Ronnie and her assistant were amazingly sensitive to my needs and ready to get as creative as possible in order for me to be comfortable. When they slipped out my front door 7 hours after William was born, I was showered and refreshed and fast asleep on clean sheets in my bed. ahhhh.

William would also like to say that his arrival into this strange, new world was as easy as he could possibly imagine. There were no goopy eye drops, no bizarre hearing tests involving electronic sensors taped to his head, and NO heel pricks that would simply be ruled invalid, anyway. In fact, William probably would say that The World is all peaches and cream, except that he was circumcised this morning. That sort of blew that idyllic illusion. Poor boy.

So, off the top of my head, those are my homebirth thoughts. Do you have any questions, things you wonder, musings to add?

william’s birth

Just the birth — I’ll share my thoughts on the “home” part in another post!

My mom arrived around midnight on the 13th. As she and Ryan walked in the back door, Ryan sighed a relieved sigh and said, “Okay. Now you can have the baby.”

Well, I didn’t. Instead, we took walks, did laundry, chatted over long breakfasts, napped (that was me!), and watched news and movies. I felt refreshed at last, after weeks of exhaustion. Mom is the best.

The 20th was my due date. For days, everywhere we went, women stopped me and asked if I was going to have that baby right there, in the store. Old wives’ tales predicted that I’d go early, since my first was born so punctually. But no. The 20th came, and I woke feeling no different than the previous day. It was Ryan’s birthday, so at the last minute, we invited friends over for dinner and a “party” and went on with our day.

Party having ended, Jameson was prepped for bed. I pulled him up next to me in our armchair, having long abandoned our nighttime tradition of sitting on Mama’s lap. We read a Little Richard story, I kissed him, and he was tucked under the covers.

And I quietly noted that the contractions I’d had while reading felt remarkably… real.

At 10:00 I went to bed, and let my thoughts drift, all the while unable to ignore that I was definitely having contractions that were doing far more than just a little toning. And they were a bit on the regular side. How regular, I wondered?, and so I watched for about 45 minutes.

Sure enough.

When Ry came to bed, I mentioned that I thought maybe this was it. I was so hesitant to say so because a.) I kinda had been hoping I’d start out with an obvious bang (or, rather, splash) and b.) I was worried everyone would get there expecting a 45 minute labor, and end up going home because it was all some cruel hoax.

So I started walking. And they kept coming. I sat on the couch, intending to watch TV and distract myself, but just like with Jameson, within minutes I couldn’t even talk during a contraction. And just like with Jameson, I had myself worried that maybe I was just a real wimp, and maybe this was the lamest contraction ever, and here I was, already closing my eyes and breathing deep and all that.

Regardless, it was starting to get uncomfortable.

Ronnie, my midwife, arrived by 11:45. Our friend Andrea, having been informed of the event, decided to come and watch. Ronnie’s assistant came, introduced herself during one of my respites, and completed the party.

We all settled into a quiet, hushed anticipation.

Mom slipped around the house, lighting candles and beautifying little corners. Ryan stayed near me and held my hand while timing contractions. Everyone else was… huh. I have no idea. All I cared about for the next 4 1/2 hours was having Ryan holding my hand and knowing where my Mom was. Always.

Ryan was phenomenal. Through the night, he kept holding my hand, talking me through every contraction. He’s a quick study, I guess, and having watched Mom once, he was ready to take a shot at it. Twice, Jameson stirred, and Ryan had to go cuddle with him; otherwise, he never left my side.

So I sat on the couch, laid on the couch, and wandered now and then to the bathroom for hours. I tried to not notice that this was clearly not going to be as speedy as labor with Jameson, and tried not to start worrying that maybe I was really in for it. At around 3am, they ushered me onto my bed, which was all prepared and surrounded by candles. Did I mention how pretty and calm everything was? Well, it was.

Soon thereafter, I had the first contraction that brought with it a pushing sensation. However, I was determined that this labor was going to involve far less pushing than Jameson’s, and that I was going to stay on top of the contractions and not go into reactionary mode. Special Delivery talked about not pushing until absolutely carried away by the need to, and I wanted to know what that was all about. So there I lay, on my side, moaning. Ryan held my hands, and my mom laid on the bed behind me, pushing on my back with every contraction. (I have no idea how she kept that up for so long. We’re not talking about a girly massage!)

It was awful. Can I say that? Well, it was. I just kept doing my best to feel what my body was doing, and concentrate on the pressure of my mother’s hands. As long as she was there, I could picture the sensation starting at my head, pushing down through my uterus, and out to where my mom was applying so much pressure. A couple of times she had to get up to help with something, and I felt lost at sea when the pain came. It rode over me, and there was no focal point, no spot for me to relax against. But when she returned, pushing and praying and soothing me, I could do it.

At long last, the midwife suggested I get up and use the bathroom. I’ll confess, these trips to the bathroom in the middle of labor can seem awfully irritating and thoughtless. But then I thought about the reasoning behind it, and knew I had to cooperate. While in the bathroom, I heard my mother and Ronnie conspiring. “She needs to stay upright. She’s ready, but we’ve gotta get her off that bed.” Apparently, my low moaning had given away the baby’s position. Ryan helped me into our bedroom, which is about 3 steps from the bathroom. In that time, I had two contractions while hanging from Ryan’s neck. I’m sure he loved that. ;)

They had arranged a pillow and the necessary floor coverings at the foot of my bed. I had one more contraction standing up, and suddenly I knew what Rahima had been describing. I quickly knelt on the pillow, flopping my upper body on the bed. One more contraction and WHOOSH! — my water broke in a huge gush. It was a strange sensation, to say the least. I rested on the bed, my body in total relaxation, and I heard my mom whisper, “It’s the calm before the storm.” Seconds later, another contraction washed over me, and the head crowned. Intense would be a good word for the following minute, while my body went into adrenaline mode, the midwife and my mother cried, “Stop pushing! Don’t push!”, and the ring of fire blew my mind. Another contraction, and (a little late, I confess) I asked, “Can I push now?”. And his head came. Another, and his whole body. And I collapsed on my knees, head on the bed, completely and utterly drained.

“It’s a boy!”, I heard Ryan jubilantly say. I knew it, I thought. And then he was passed up to me, and quivering, I gripped the slippery body of a new son.

The next morning, waking in my own bed with my new baby asleep beside me, I was flooded with thanksgiving. I’d prayed for a short and safe labor; for Jameson to sleep through it; for effective pushing; for little to no tearing; to feel less like a truck had hit me; and for a faster recovery. All of those things happened. And above all, a sweet and healthy baby (who already weighs 9 lbs! The boy nursed like a pro from the get-go!)

I am blessed, blessed, blessed.

It’s a Boy!

Danica gave birth at 4:33AM. She was TOTALLY HARDCORE. She labored through the night and when the midwife asked, “do you want me to check if you can push?” She responded, “No; I want to wait and go as long as I can.” Total pushing time: 3-5 minutes.

No name. Weight unknown. We’re going to sleep. Better photos later.

***Update 1***
8 pounds, 11 ounces

nesting and nesting and nesting and nes…

Tonight I excitedly threw a load of brand new kissaluvs into the wash. A few more cycles, and they’ll be fluffed up and ready to go. They’re tiny and soft and squishy… and I can’t wait to put their softness on my new baby!

This morning, getting ready for church required tidying the entire house, wiping down the bathroom, starting laundry, you name it. I was suddenly frantic about the cluttered state of things. I mean, what if I go into labor? What if I go into labor and the bathroom looks like this? What if I go into labor, the bathroom looks like this, and my mother isn’t here yet???? The afternoon’s activities were motivated by similar thoughts.

Today’s grocery shopping included a lot of “what would be good to have in the house… in case?” You know. In case I go into labor. In case I go into labor and my mother isn’t here.

I don’t remember having any days like this when I was expecting Jameson. Is it because I wasn’t having a homebirth? Because my mom and sisters lived within yelling distance of our apartment? Because I just didn’t know better? Not sure. At any rate, I’m wondering how I can stay ready enough to allay these fears of throwing up in a dirty bathroom (worst, worst, worst thing imaginable!), but not be worked into a constant state of waiting. I do not want to live in some clean-the-house holding pattern for the new few weeks.

But you never know. I just may.

Of course, I could occupy myself by working on boy names. Because we don’t really have one. Ugh.

The continuing request for input: What’s your advice on going from one to two? (Kids, that is. Not jeans size. Ha!!)

me and my buddy

On Wednesday evening, our midwife came for the home visit. This was when she explained to us what was in the birth kit that I had dutifully ordered, took a tour of our home (including closets with extra towels and such — how often do yo include those in your tours?), and talked with us about how we envision this birth happening. It was so fun to have her here, and suddenly this coming baby is so much more of a reality.

That night I dreamed I went into labor and delivered the baby with only two pushes. Obviously I’ve got pushing on the brain.

So my days of late alternate between huge nesting urges, exhausted and hormonal do-nothing days, and days of wanting to just be with Jameson. More and more I’m realizing our time together, just the two of us, is coming to an end. He’s been my little buddy for over two years (I still can’t believe that!), and I have loved every moment of it. Of course, I’m looking forward to another little love joining the family, but, well, that’s all still very future and hypothetical in some ways. What’s very real to me right now is that I love taking walks with Jameson’s little hand in mine. I love sharing special lunches, just him and me, talking about trains and birds and squirrels and bikes and whatever he happens to see. I love pretending his little games, and being his playmate of choice (when Daddy’s not around, that is.)

I bet if I were to ask my mom about the days when it was just her and me, she’d find the recollection a bit fuzzy. And so I guess I’m just feeling the urge to crystallize, as much as possible, these special memories.

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All that said, the saddest part of having Jameson was when we brought him home from the hospital, and there was no one there to care. Shameful! Every baby should be welcomed by hurrahs and kisses from siblings, and I can’t wait to introduce this baby to a brother who already loves them.

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One more thing: I’ve been meaning to send this question out into the blogosphere and hear what you have to say. Any tips as I transition from one to two?

mothers, daughters, and homebirths!

When I tell people I’m having a homebirth, one of the most common reaction is, “You’re so brave!”

(When we told one of Ryan’s co-workers, a young single man, his eyes bugged out of his head and he asked incredulously, “Can you do that?” I smiled. As though a hospital room somehow is a necessary part of a woman giving birth!)

Brave? Perhaps. Crazy, maybe. I’ll let you know when it’s all said and done.

But the idea of having a homebirth is hardly daunting to me, thanks again to my mother, who had three.

These are the impressions I was left with after being a part of those three births:

When Jamie was born, I was only 5. I watched, but don’t remember a thing except that he was big, a bit purple, and had only two little specks of blood on his shoulder. I also remember that Mom got a beautiful new nightgown and matching robe, which she put on after he was born, and that she got to eat New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream in the dining room, where we all gathered to celebrate his birth. (She’d not been allowed sugar during that pregnancy, so when the grocery run was made, ice cream was on the menu!) It was the first time I’d ever tried Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. Homebirths were all right with me!

With Louissa, I was 7 — old enough to be much more aware. I half watched, half hid behind Mrs. Tallo, who was there for the show as well. She assured my sisters and I that Mom wasn’t angry, just uncomfortable. She had to say that, because Mom was yelling at the friend who was trying to coach her through pushing. I still remember seeing Mom grit her teeth, get in Lauren’s face and growl, “I am pushing!!!” Louissa was born the day before my birthday, and I thought that was as special as it got. That evening, after everyone was in bed, I snuck downstairs to my parents’ bedroom. I climbed into bed between them and held my brand spankin’ new baby sister. Her eyes were dark, and she stared right at me. Another homebirth homerun.

Julia came along when I was 10. She was, unfortunately, born very early in the morning, and came a bit faster than my parents anticipated. The entire birthing team was assembled to help, and all of the siblings were woken to watch, but my mom ended up having her in the bathroom, which was only big enough for my dad. The rest of us had to be content with the nosebleed seats, trying to peak in the door around everyone else who was peaking in. Julia was round and chubby, and Mrs. Colbert called her Butterball until she had a real name. Mrs. Colbert also was in charge of cleaning her up and dressing her, because Mom and Dad had rushed to the hospital when Mom wouldn’t stop bleeding. That episode, unfortunately, put an end to homebirths for my mom. Still, for the next two babies, she made it a point to stay at home as long as possible, and to get back home sooner than possible. I say sooner, because it took me 24 hours to get those nurses MOVING after Jameson was born, but Mom was always in her own bed within several hours of delivery. I suspect that she must have been doing softshoe on the hospital beds or something in order to convince them to let her out.

At any rate, homebirths to me don’t necessarily mean “brave” or “crazy”. What comes to mind, rather, is “relaxed,” “comfortable,” and “celebratory.” It’s birth the way you see it in the old movies, when Mama and baby are wrapped snugly in their own bed, and the rest of the family showers them with love and jubilation.

And the part before that? The actual pushing? Well, that’s pretty much not a cakewalk no matter where you do it, and I’d rather be doing it in my own bedroom, thankyouverymuch.