Post Category → motherhood

chatty

First, this: a long, lanky boy who climbed onto my lap and just wanted me to hold him.

It’s snowing. Not snowy, but snowing, seemingly every day. This is a long winter, for sure. But as eager as I am to just smell some fresh air and ditch the snow gear, I’m also appreciating a few extra weeks of the quiet that winter brings. Soon enough, I’ll add yards and gardens to cleaning muddy kids to my to-do list. For now, we just enjoy each other inside, and I focus my attention to the domain within these walls.

William went on a get-away with Daddy. Every single photo Ryan sent was of a beaming little boy. Every moment was super special and super exciting, and he came home with his little love-cup brimming to the top — and splashing over. What a special boy.

I was just made aware of the book “Ten Boys Who Changed the World”. Has anyone read that book, or any of the related books? I’d love to hear some feedback. Earlier this year, I read the boys a children’s biography of Amy Carmichael, and it was the best read-aloud yet. There hearts were so evidently stirred to love Jesus and believe in His power. Missionary stories were my favorite growing up, and Mama read several to us besides the ones I read myself, but I can’t think of too many that were particularly 4-year-old-friendly. So any feedback on the above title, as well as any other recommendations, would be appreciated!

I was reading a thread on Facebook last night, started by someone whose worldview is vastly different than mine. It just made me ponder again how thoroughly our worldviews inform our perspectives and values. We literally can’t see past them. Another’s worldview just seems ludicrous and impossible for us to really empathize with. So, in a world full of intelligent people who seem to have connected their dots in a completely different way than I have mine, how can I be so sure I have a leg to stand on? Is it really just a battle of wits, and popular vote? Or can you build your worldview on something altogether True? (Take a listen. It’ll take a few loads of laundry or a couple commutes back and forth, and it’ll be worth it.)

I’ve struggled with diastasis recti since post-William (or maybe even pre-William, but unaware?) Even after William, I didn’t really understand what it was, and when I couldn’t get rid of my baby belly, I did what anyone would do: more crunches! Little did I realize that I was making it even worse. Slowly, I’m learning more and finding exercises that require much diligence, but will hopefully lead to a mended abdomen after this baby. Do any of you have experience/knowledge to share?

Maybe it’s the snow, maybe I’m just a bit tired and behind, but we’re finally getting our sights set on Easter Sunday. Last night, Ryan talked to the boys about Resurrection, and why Jesus couldn’t just stop at Good Friday. Crucified and resurrected; sin and death beaten. We are forgiven, and we will live with Him.

On that note, maybe I can pass this along, too, for more listening material. Don’t spend your love on knowledge, morality, or activism: love and live for Jesus.

the best thing

We’re rounding the bend on the last lap of Homeschooling, Year Two. Of course, in many ways, I’ve counted this as Year One, since last year was kindergarten and ya just can’t mess that one up. (Find robin’s eggs, collect chestnuts, read favorite stories, look at globes, color and cut and glue, read lots of fun books, answer day-long stream of questions: check, check and fun, fun. Can we just do kindergarten again?)

First Grade is certainly not up there on the list of academically intense school years, but there are some pretty important Big Rocks that have to get in place. And with that big rock concept in mind, I’ve realized there is, hands down, one thing I did this year that was the best thing.

This:

Back in August, as a million ideas were swirling around in my head, and so many different options for which direction to head with science, history, read-alouds, etc, I took my notebook out to a green patch of grass (remember those? Patches of grass?) and asked the Lord to help me focus. I knew there were some Big Rocks I didn’t want to miss, and I also knew that I would need a lot of tethering and reining in to keep from losing track of them. So, prayerfully, I made a list of goals for First Grade.

I kept things simple. I made first thing first. I included not just academic goals, but life skill goals, as well — besides learning information, how else did I want my young boy to grow?

The reason I say this was The Best Thing is because I can’t tell you how many times I have pulled out this list when the waves of discouragement were threatening to suck me under (or had already pretty much succeeded), only to realize, to my shock and amazement, that we were on track!! Impossible! But no — there it was, in black and white, recorded before the year’s craziness and boredom and comparisons could set in.

Write the vision; make it plain.

If you’re like me — an idealist who is never quite measuring up to the lofty dreams that live in my head — then a Spirit-led list can be a tool used by the Lord to reassure and confirm that He is working faithfully in our lives. Lists, when I make them under the guidance of the Holy Spirit (rather than out of the frantic angst and frustration of “I’m always behind”) really help me to be still. It’s true of New Year’s Eve prayer cards, of Goals for First Grade, and also of “Today’s To-Do List.” Really! The sun sets, and I may look around and see plenty of things that didn’t happen, but the three things I felt were important that day did happen, and I’m actually able to hear the Holy Spirit say, “See? Well done. Just be faithful.”

18 months

Yes, a year and a half with our little girl. She changes and grows so quickly. Her spunk and attitude are keeping us on our toes lately, but she is quite confident that she has the whole house wrapped around her finger. We sure do love her, in spite of (and yes, even because of!) all of her bossy “No!”s.

Since before William was born, I’ve wanted to dress a little girl a la Patricia Polacco. I finally had the inspiration, energy, and quiet afternoon to make the peasant dress and pinafore that have been taking up brain space for way too many years:

Yesterday morning, I put her hair in pigtails. I almost didn’t, because I’d rather be in denial sometimes and continue to call her baby, but I couldn’t resist.

And then, a few hours later, my sister offered a trim and I said yes. Good bye, baby hair and pigtails. Hello, little girl.

A year and a half. Amazing. So fast. And every day, smiles, laughter, challenges, looking into her eyes and marveling that God puts these little people into our lives to shepherd and nurture and carefully shape into who He wants them to be.

hide it in your heart

I have always tried, with varying levels of diligence and success, to make Bible memory — and meditation, discussion, and application — part of our regular routine. How I decide on which passage to memorize varies, too — sometimes a theme that is particularly applicable to a current challenge, sometimes a simple gospel-in-a-nutshell verse, sometimes a passage I especially loved as a young girl. I want my boys to have truth deep in their hearts, woven into the very makings of who they are — and learning scripture as a child can have that profound, life-shaping effect. (It did for me! Thanks, Dad and Mom!)

Recently, I’ve also been stirred to choose passages that will lay a foundation for unwavering trust in God — His character, His ability, and His love toward them. (Yes, that’s a broad spectrum!) When my siblings were younger, they were involved in a children’s program that largely consisted of earning badges. One badge was called the Bible Smuggler badge, and in order to earn it, a child had to memorize a book of the Bible. The idea behind it is that someday, if they are traveling into a closed country where Bibles are forbidden, they will still be able to smuggle scripture in: it’s in their hearts.

Perhaps that scenario is in my children’s future. But also, looking ahead, I have to really wonder: will this be that country someday? Someday soon? Is it possible that my children will live in a world where every trace of Truth has been, according to man’s best effort, eradicated?

One thing we can count on is change. Also, sin. Also, a prowling enemy. I need to be diligent to teach them as much Truth as I can — and do it with a sense of purpose and priority. (When they encounter change, sin, and an enemy, I want their hearts to rise up with this: But God!)

This week, we’ve started Psalm 46: “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea…”

Can anything take you by surprise when that truth is in your heart, alive, giving hope, speaking of love and faithfulness?

(And speaking of faithfulness, my favorite song to sing at bedtime (for them and for me!) is Great Is Thy Faithfulness. Hymns are chock full of truth, too, and with melodies that help it stick!)

What are some of your favorite scripture verses to hide in your heart?

(boys, on their way to being men.)

January, in a nutshell.

January was, in many ways, exactly the sort of month I anticipated: slow.

And not just slow. It was definitely a shift into survive where necessary, so that in the important things, we could continue to thrive.

It was a month of many, many naps for me — and lots of days where I never got out of my pajamas. Several mornings found me on the couch, and while my three care-takers perhaps didn’t always contribute to a very restful nap, their tender words and awkward attempts at tucking me in with afghans blessed me so very much. I don’t want to forget William’s sweet kisses on my forehead this past month.

Things had to slip — anything more than basic cleaning had to wait for a second trimester burst of energy, and that’s okay. Getting into a school routine after the holidays took a bit longer than I may have planned, but I don’t think Jameson’s future was too terribly affected. I did not even once want to write on this blog, because there just wasn’t energy for extra thoughts. There are seasons, and I think I’m starting to learn how to receive grace and direction for this tired and yucky one.

Taking our days more slowly, and trying to just hold on to the important things, meant that—amazingly!—I was able to walk almost every morning (save for this past week of sub-zero!) I’m really, really thankful for those 30 minutes of fresh air and exercise each day. I glanced through my journal recently and found an entry in August, praying for the Lord to give me ideas of how I could possibly incorporate regular exercise into my life. So more than being thankful for a morning walk, I’m just thankful that the Lord hears us and answers.

I also am five successful weeks into a Read-Through-the-Bible program. Another huge success, as I’ve utterly failed every time I’ve tried such a thing for the past 15 years. (I read through it so easily when I was 16, and haven’t been able to since!) Laugh if you want, but I googled “Bible plans for moms”, thinking there’d be some bite-sized option out there, and I found Bible Reading Plan for Slackers and Shirkers. Somehow, it’s working, and I’m really enjoying the variety of each day. Another thank you to the Lord.

Regina, my midwife, came this month and brought her handy-dandy list of high-iron foods. I’m trying to get a jump start on my iron levels by downing Floradix like crazy, as well as eating spinach omelets, almonds, bran flakes, apricots, hummus, and lots of other iron-rich foods. Staying on track with such intentional eating isn’t always easy when I’m too tired to care, but the boys remind me to take my Floradix and eat my bran flakes. They’re excited about this baby, after all!

Jameson is doing well with his school work, which we’ve kept very basic this month. He has reached a point in reading where he is inspired by his own accomplishments. Each book that he “conquers” just fuels his passion for learning more. He’s a natural at math. In every subject, his learning curve is focus. He loves to help me, and the “bigger” the job, the better. If he senses that I’m depending on him to take charge of something, he eagerly rises to the occasion. If anything, we have to have talks about being too helpful!

William is just pretty happy all the time. He loves his Playmobil, much more than Jameson (who prefers the mental challenge of a new Lego set to engaging his imagination), and he’s often in a corner of the family room, lost in the world of knights and dragons and castles. He also loves to be read to—still!—and so I try to grab a minute here and there to cuddle with just him and read him a favorite story. He’s less excited about work than Jameson, but he’s learning diligence and responsibility, and he loves to care for Beatrice and me.

Beatrice is changing every day. She runs through the house on her tip toes, clutching her dolly. She is experimenting with terrorizing her brothers, and has perfected her protest of “Noooo!” She’s cuddly and spunky and loves to make us all laugh with her antics. Books are her favorite: she pulls them all off her toddler-height shelf, and then chooses from the pile on the floor. Picking them up is not her favorite thing to do, but obedience in general isn’t her favorite thing. She always sizes me up when I give her a command, determining whether or not I really mean it. Spunky, I tell you!

The absolutely best part of this past month, though, has been watching both boys being drawn by the Holy Spirit, and genuinely responding. Whether it be in worship at church, family devotions, while reading a biography of Amy Carmichael, at a prayer meeting, or listening to a sermon, I have been beyond blessed to see their tender hearts shining in teary eyes. Ryan and I have been asking for fresh passion and surrender to the things of the Lord, and it’s spilling down to our kids. Biggest thank you of all to the Lord.

So, here we are. I’m coming out of my fog, and looking forward to feeling more like my usual self — but at the same time, realizing how much God doesn’t need me and my best self to accomplish His purpose in our lives. I’m so thankful. He holds our days, present and future. That’s a good place to live.

Christmas thoughts

Our tree is so pretty. It was also so very much fun to decorate it this year, which makes its beauty all the more enjoyable. The kids pause on their way through the room to admire it from afar, or perhaps run over just to make sure their favorite ornament is still in that special spot. Our tree night was filled with dancing and laughing and Christmas music in the background — and free from frustration or dashed hopes or any of the other things that can so often accompany traditions.


tree night photos here.

*****

Christmas isn’t about getting presents. We all want our kids to know it’s so much more than that. No one’s happy when suddenly their children turn into greedy monsters the day after Thanksgiving. But this year, I’ve been challenged by the idea that Christmas isn’t about giving, either. At least, not presents. I needed that little reminder from the Holy Spirit because I love this excuse to give gifts to my kids, my family, my friends—so much fun! But I can get uptight, too, about choosing the perfect gift. So maybe my kids need to lift their eyes from the getting, but I need to lift my eyes from the giving sometimes. I need to remember that Jesus is all that matters. (And if I’m going to get caught up in giving, give love.)

*****

We are dancing loosely through these days of December. We fit in chores here and there, quickly pull out a page of math, surreptitiously fit in a reading lesson while doing Christmas crafts. But we also linger in PJs a little longer. Bake cookies. Visit friends.

Saturday, after being out late at the CFA Christmas concert, I declared a Christmas holiday. We ate rice pudding (a rare treat these days), wore our pajamas, and watched The Nutcracker from under afghans. Nana (my mom) came to join us. It was the slow family day you dream of. What a blessing.


boys getting ready to decorate the first rum logs of the season!

*****

As I add greenery here and a candle there, and in general just go all out with making the house pretty and cozy, I am more aware than ever of my ability to quickly slip into Sounding Gong and Clanging Cymbal mode: warm, cozy home without a warm, cozy Mama. Good works without love behind them is always a rather ludicrous idea, but it becomes only more so when my efforts at “warmth” are so concerted. If I have cookies baked for the neighbors but have snapped at my husband, what have I gained? If every window is lit and the garlands carefully hung but I banished my kids in frustration, what have I gained? I remind myself of this as I plan each day and carefully weigh each moment’s decisions. Better to have a little less “cozy” and little more love, I’d say. A wise woman builds her home—and her home is people.


favorite Christmas decor from Germany

*****

We have a surprise guest this Christmas. In case you didn’t get the message via FaceBook, here it is:

(Guess that last post will come in handy!)