another ramble

Another goodbye early this morning: Louissa is on her way back East after a week of visiting her big sister.

I love my sisters. Every one of ’em.

So it goes without saying that I love Louissa, and I loved having her here with me.

As for what we did? It doesn’t amount to much in terms of fun reading. (Holding babies, picking up toys, buying groceries and turning them into dinner…) But it amounted to very much in terms of fun living. We did have one special day — a whole Saturday, just us and William, in San Francisco. Sunshine, perfect temps, strolling in and out of indie shops and creperies, and sitting on park benches watching the sun set and sailboats glisten in the Bay. And a fun, splurge of a dinner, just us. Yes, that was all very much fun. (Thank you, Ryan!)

Funny, though, how after only a week of her helpful company, I’m left feeling a bit like, How do we do this again? How do I do the laundry and baths and meals and cleaning and library and train sets by myself?

Part of me says to just dig in and work hard — there’s nothing you can’t do with hard work.

The other part of me says, honey, you need Jesus.

Yes, I could probably muscle my way through a much larger mountain of laundry. But I look at my little Jameson, so precious and unique and willful (and sinful) and I know you can’t just muscle your way through mothering. This isn’t just a Nose To The Grindstone sort of occupation; this is a Get God Every Day calling.

I realize as I lay in bed at the end of another day that these are winepress days. You know — squeeze and squeeze and squeeze till you pop, and what’s in there is what’s going to come out. Is it Jesus? In some seasons, I may have had the time and space to make sure the right stuff was spilling out. In these long, pressure-filled mama days, there’s no time for looking in the mirror at my soul to make sure nothing ugly is showing. Fact is, if there’s ugly inside, it’s on its way out. And my precious, precious children are the ones watching, receiving.

If that doesn’t make you desperate for God, I don’t know what will…

And so I find myself, in the midst of the constant giving and caring and correcting and confronting, desperately reaching for the life of the Vine. Wherever He is, I need to be there. Need to be there.

Jesus, be the center.

You are my supply
My breath of life
Still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
Worth living for
Still more awesome than I know

And all of You
Is more than enough for
All of me
For every thirst and
Every need
You satisfy me
With Your love
And all I have in You
Is more than enough.

4 Comments another ramble

  1. Janice

    I’m so glad you got to spend time with your sister. At all the times when I lean on my family for support, my heart goes out to the friends I have that live away from their families. It must be hard.

    Mark and I were just talking about the topic of “what’s ugly comes out.” (we had a long ride home from Long Island, so we had lots of chatting time)

    I read this post to him, and we were both blessed.

    You’re a good mom Danica!


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