Sometimes I find myself with a lull. Both boys are napping, and I just don’t feel like jumping right into household chores. Usually it’s because I’m super tired. So instead of working, I decide to ponder. (When you’re super tired, work is ALWAYS a better option than pondering.)
I ponder my current life. I contemplate how the weeks, days, hours are being spent. I reflect on the grand goal of my life — to glorify God — and visualize the trajectory of my actual life and the bulls eye of said goal.
You know where this is going, right?
Yeah. I come to the conclusion that I’m clearly way off the mark. I’m never going to hit it. How can
1. getting dressed
2. getting two more people dressed
3. helping my son make his bed and brush his teeth
4. nursing the hysterical baby
5. making pb&j
6. cleaning up the spilled milk
7. removing the pb&j plastered to little arms and hands and mouths
8. changing a diaper
9. reading a book
10. not losing my temper when my nose get bashed while little people get comfy for storytime
11. starting the book again
12. settling disputes over who touched who
13. taking care of the kid who disobeyed by not laying his head down
14. praying for the 3 year old as loudly as i can because the 1 year old has totally lost it
15. wiping the huge tears off chubby cheeks
16. nursing the baby to sleep
17. deciding to tackle the day’s demands (i.e. washing dishes, vacuuming, making dinner, folding laundry…)
amount to glorifying God??
I certainly don’t feel like I have to be living in Africa in a hut in order to be living a radical Christian life, but don’t I have to be doing more than the above? I’m suddenly panicking. How am I ever going to see the glory of God in my life doing this? I want my kids to know and love Jesus. I want the fruit of the Spirit to ooze out of me. I want our lives to be spent in service to the Church and the world around us. I DON’T SEE THIS ADDING UP!!
(I warned you, there’s panic involved.)
My head is hurting, trying to figure it out, trying to decide what radical thing I need to start doing in order to get a radical outcome. There are tears.
And then there’s a whisper:
Oh. I’ve heard this before. In fact, I’ve been here before. (Would you believe that young motherhood is NOT the first time I’ve found myself in a hum-drum sort of season? It’s true!)
Be faithful. Do what you know to do… faithfully.
And I suddenly realize what this is: a challenge to faithful sowing. Faithfulness is obviously a highly-valued attribute, but I forget that being faithful doesn’t necessarily mean doing some Really Big Hard Thing. It usually means doing Some Little Thing Every Single Day No Matter What. That’s what faithfulness means.
It means that even when I look at what I’ve accomplished today and some niggling little voice says, “Feel like a hamster in a wheel yet?”, I don’t cave. I don’t quit sowing these plain-jane little seeds in search of a huge glamorous job — because that would be unfaithful.
And it’s sowing those plain brown seeds with eyes of faith, knowing that there’s some sort of miracle inside that befuddles the human mind. It’s knowing that the sum is greater than its parts. It’s being content to just trust and obey.
“Trust in the LORD and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
And your judgment as the noonday.”
“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked…” — psalm 37; galations 6