A very poor night’s sleep, thanks to a bad head cold, ended quite pleasantly when a certain four year old snuck into bed next to me early this morning. After a long time of cuddling and trying to sleep, he finally whispered, “Can I watch videos on your iPhone?” Treat of all treats: laying all warm and snuggly in Mama’s bed watching all the Little Bear that youtube has to offer. William joined us, too, and we three made a happy lazy bunch. (Ryan slept on the couch. He said he didn’t want to disrupt the head-cold-sleeper, but I have a sneaking suspicion he was the one avoiding disrupted sleep!)
I made cornmeal mush. It’s my birthday, and not much sounds better when you’re just feeling crummy. I enjoyed my coffee alongside William, who’d pulled out playmobil pirates as soon as his feet hit the ground.
I found a lovely little birthday gift of springtime promise on the kitchen counter (SEEDS!), left by the very thoughtful and sweet Olivia.
I buried myself under an afghan on the couch, and two boys played pirates ON TOP of me. I’m not complaining. I like being loved, what can I say?
I read 100+ kind birthday wishes on my FB page. They made me smile.
I made a fort for the boys out of blankets+kitchen table. They played cowboys, then knights, then cowboys, then a strange futuristic combo. I watched from the couch and soaked up all the wonderfulness of having children who enjoy one another. (BTW: the fact that I was noting and enjoying this should imply that it’s not always the case. Ha!)
I heated up leftovers for lunch. Jameson declared how much he loved it. William, in true William-style, ate all the flavorful sauce and left the rice. We told jokes and sang songs and observed that I’d never gotten them dressed that morning. Jameson said “that’s because it’s a cuddly day.”
I tucked them into their beds, then sat and sang two songs (Twinkle Twinkle and Amazing Grace — new songs!!). William fell asleep while I read Heidi.
And now I’m tucked into my own bed with burning eyes and a fuzzy head, and wondering if maybe I’m actually turning 80, ’cause that’s how I feel.
But no, I’m 30. And I’m not sad about that, or negative or depressed or any of the above. I have no issue with growing older, so long as God continues to give grace to live faithfully for Him (and He will.) I won’t miss being in my twenties, though I’ll get choked up when I look at certain pictures, because memories are dear. The future isn’t known to me, but it’s far from uncertain, and it comes to me a day at a time. I don’t have to be scared.
In fact, the prevailing thought I have this year, as I try to pause and take note of passing time more than I usually do (who pays attention to their 27th birthday, for example?) is the promise of Proverbs 4:
But the path of the just is like the shining sun,
That shines ever brighter unto the perfect day.
Not easier, necessarily; not smoother, or lacking greater challenges. But brighter… unto the Perfect Day (a Day I can’t wait for.)
And since I’ve wandered into the realm of exhortation, I’ll just tack on the end of Proverbs 4, too, which is such wonderful wisdom for how to continue on that path of the just:
My son, give attention to my words;
Incline your ear to my sayings.
Do not let them depart from your eyes;
Keep them in the midst of your heart;
For they are life to those who find them,
And health to all their flesh.
Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.
Put away from you a deceitful mouth,
And put perverse lips far from you.
Let your eyes look straight ahead,
And your eyelids look right before you.
Ponder the path of your feet,
And let all your ways be established.
Do not turn to the right or the left;
Remove your foot from evil.
I am bound and determined that growing old is going to equal knowing Jesus more. Me decreasing, Him increasing. Finding what it means to have my strength supernaturally renewed. Outward perishing, inward renewed every day.