Post Category → marriage

special days

:: Last night we three squeezed onto a bench for two, the little guy pressed against the train window, lest he miss even a second of the experience. I smiled. “I like our little family.” I can’t wait for we three to become we four…but this threesome has been absolutely delightful. Daddy and Mama each holding the hand of happily tripping, running, hopping toddler as we make our way down the street. Laying heads on pillows with his little head between. Dinnertime filled with proud parent eyes focused on little man’s latest antics. We three. What fun it’s been.

:: At the dinner table, Ryan was playing his favorite game with Jameson. (“Say, ‘Dog’. Say, ‘Cat’…”) He threw into the mix a few new ones, including, “Say, ‘Danica’.” Jameson smiled and promptly responded, “Mom.”

Made me smile. Yup. I’m your mom, kiddo.

:: I wrapped a stack of presents last night after he’d been put to bed. Presents for his second birthday. Amazing. Not just that he’s already two years old, but that he’s lived two years of life and all that means. I feel like he just got here, but no. He’s already spent two years watching, learning, developing, figuring it all out.

:: Sweet little arms circle my neck in his sleep. He stirs a bit and whispers, “Mom… Mom,” and drifts back to his slumber, assured that I am still there. I watch his face as features relax, find stillness for those few hours. Little nose, sweet mouth, long lashes on soft cheeks… How can it be so wonderful, and so deeply sad, all at once?

I watch him in the rearview mirror while we drive along. He is noticing it all, no longer a babe, but a little boy, learning his world. The CD plays a familiar lullaby: “I don’t want to kiss you goodnight / I’ll just keep on holding you tight / ‘Cause baby I know you’ll change and you’ll grow / You’ll get bigger with each morning light…” And I remember. I remember cradling his newborn body in my yet weak from delivery arms, singing that song while tears streamed down my face. I knew then that this babe of mine was born to be a man. He’ll make me proud. But there’s an ache there, too. He says a new word, and I beam, but sometimes a tear slips out before I have a chance to hide it. Sometimes I squeeze his little hand, so happy to hold mine, just to know he’s still my baby. For now. For a little while.

And I’m going to love this little while the best I can.

more on sisters

I was asked how my parents “made us friends.” I thought rather than just respond with a lengthy comment, I’d brainstorm my memories in a post. Mom, sisters, add anything that I forgot (or perhaps wasn’t aware of from my “child” perspective.)

:: When friends came over, we all played together with the exception of perhaps an hour (or less) of “alone with our friend” time. Mom would say that our sisters are our friends, too, and we can play with them, thank you very much. There would be no exclusivity.

:: For birthday parties with a few friends invited over, our sisters closest in age were always included as “friends”. Because they were. And Mom and Dad weren’t happy if they found a crying little sister who was being snubbed by either us OR our friends. It got clearly and promptly addressed.

:: Nastiness between siblings was always called out. “I don’t hear you talking to your friends like that. That tells me that you’re capable of kindness to friends, but for some reason, are grumpy and unkind to your family. We’re going to cut back on friend time and start working on being that kind to us.” So, drawing our attention to the fact that valuing our family and treating them kindly and politely was not optional.

:: In resolving fights, mom would say, “friends will come and go, but family is forever. Someday you guys will be grown up — hard to imagine right now, but it’s true — and the saddest thing would be if you had fighting and bitterness in your hearts towards your own siblings. God wants you to be best friends! So you need to repent to each other and make sure your hearts are right.”

:: They helped us understand our differences, especially if certain personality combos tended to invite fireworks. We learned to not just love our siblings in a general sort of way, but to try and understand them and how we could best relate. That was, of course, an invaluable lesson for dealing with and relating to people.

:: One thing that I so appreciated about my parents was that fighting and such just wasn’t really tolerated. Yeah. My dad had zero tolerance for bickering (one of his favorite words, I think!) People would ask my sisters and I as we got older, “So, do you guys ever fight?” Well, yeah, sometimes, but no, not really. Since fighting was dealt with fair and square as young tykes, by the time we were older, we mostly knew better. That doesn’t mean we didn’t have an episode now and then, but when we did, it got addressed.

There. That’s my brainstorm. Go ahead, guys, fill in what I missed. :)

Women: The Road Ahead (Elisabeth Elliot)

I know I didn’t write this, but I promise you should read anyway. Elisabeth reminds us that choosing obedience to the call of God on our lives means warfare and fighting the good fight. I think that sometimes the initial choice is so hard we forget that the battle has only begun with that first step.

Read on. And when you’re done, pray for someone you know, that she would have the grace to stand — and having done all else, stand.

A special issue of a leading news magazine had this title for its theme. There were pictures of women in prison with babies; an inconsolable “crack” baby with a tangle of tubes connected to machines, crying his little heart out; a mother charged with a felony: delivery of drugs to her newborn child; women in politics “sharing real rather than cosmetic power;” a veiled Muslim woman; ten tough-minded women who “create individual rules for success,” e.g. a police chief, a bishop, a rock climber, a baseball club owner, a rap artist, a fashion tycoon, an Indian chief, and others. There were single mothers, lesbian mothers, divorced mothers, working (outside the home) mothers. There was a twelve-year-old who fixes supper for her sisters when Mom works late, and there was a man who is a househusband. But there was not one picture of a father and mother and their children. Not one.

“A jockstrap was a parting gift when Marion Howington retired last year from the once all-male post of senior v.p. at J. Walter Thompson…. For Howington, a striking 60, who began climbing the agency’s ladder in Chicago in 1967, the key to success was to `be aggressive’ and `think like a man.’…

`There’s not a woman anywhere who made it in business who is not tough, self-centered, and enormously aggressive.'”

Readers occasionally ask me why I write about horrifying stuff. Well, to precipitate prayer and to remind us that we do not engage in a war against mere flesh and blood. As Ephesians 6 says, “We are up against the unseen power that controls this dark world, and spiritual agents from the headquarters of evil…Take your stand then with truth as your belt, righteousness your breastplate, the Gospel of peace firmly on your feet, salvation as your helmet and in your hand the sword of the Spirit, the Word of God” (PHILLIPS).

There was at least one bright note in that special issue. Sixty-six percent of women aged 18-24 answered yes to the question, “If you had the opportunity, would you be interested in staying at home and raising children?” They are beginning to see that the corporate world is no day at the beach. There was encouragement also in a letter to Ann Landers from a former executive: “It suddenly dawned on me that I had my priorities bollixed up and my children deserve better. I had to admit getting fulfillment from my career was a pipe dream. It may elude me in motherhood as well, but I now know what really matters. After nine years of paying someone to raise my children, I was forced to admit my family is more important to me than anything else. I wish I had known this when my first child was born. I am now thirty-six years old and happy to say we are expecting our third child… This means cutting down on vacations, and our entertaining will be reduced to popcorn and video parties with a few old friends…. `No success in life can compensate for failure at home.'”

I had a letter from one who made it her goal to be like the godly woman of Titus 2:3-5. As usual, when one determines to obey the Lord “the enemy was there causing me to feel like my whole world is on a roller-coaster, that my family was not important, that I am worthless, lazy, because I am a homemaker. I was so tired sometimes I could barely get meals on the table. I heard remarks like, `Oh, you aren’t working at all? How do you manage to live on one income? It’s hard on your husband! What do you do all day? You must be bored!’

“As my husband and I listened to your program we reaffirmed the goals we had set and committed them to the Lord once more…Pray for me to be strong and of good courage and to remain faithful, with an attitude of submission, a true handmaid of the Lord.”

Women need to be prayed for. They need all the encouragement they can get. Sadly, it is not always forthcoming even from other Christians. I saw a lovely girl in the market the other day with the sweetest of sweet baby girls in her grocery cart. I asked about the baby–five months old, her only child so far. “Are you able to stay home to care for her?” “Oh yes! Oh, I can’t even imagine putting her in day care.” I gave her my blessing. Perhaps even a brief word from a stranger can make a difference to a young mother.

Prayer lays hold of God’s plan and becomes the link between His will and its accomplishment on earth. Things happen which would not happen without prayer. Let’s not forget that. Amazing things happen, and we are given the privilege of being the channels of the Holy Spirit’s prayer. As we pray against abortion and pornography and homosexuality and divorce and drugs and for the strengthening of homes and families, we often feel helpless and hopeless until we remember, “We do not know how to pray worthily as sons of God, but his Spirit within us is actually praying for us in those agonizing longings which never find words” (Romans 8:26, PHILLIPS).

prayers

See you later!

It’s been echoing in my heart all day. Like Mr. Skoglund said, the road between now and then may be long and hard, but we know that when it ends, we’ll all be together. What amazing hope!

I’m asking the Lord to use this tragedy in my life, as I’m sure we all are…

Put this life in perspective, Lord. There may be moments of agony that seem to drag on forever, but You endured the cross because of Joy ahead. Bring eternity to bear on my days of sorrow — and on days of distraction and apathy. Let me live, eagerly anticipating Your return, You who are my great reward, and let my life say OUT LOUD, “See You later!”

*****

And my other prayer? Perhaps a bit more humble, but a truth I’ll cling to, just the same:

Thank You, Lord, for the dear husband who tore the blankets off this bed again, whose socks are tangled in the sheets. Thank You for the privilege of serving him, of being his wife. Help me to cherish moments together, and never fill them with complaints or harshness. His life, our life, is a gift from You… Thank You.

thankful: wednesday

Three things from yesterday:

…watching eager little hands reach into grocery bags, making it feel like Christmas and not just another grocery trip.

…a beautiful afternoon, perfect for an hour at the playground.

…a baby cuddled up with his daddy every evening; a daddy cuddled up with his boy every chance he gets.

*****

It started as just a song stuck in my head; it’s turned into a point of conviction and an opportunity to grow.

We are supposed to be growing in this walk of faith. His goal is to transform us into the image of His Son, bringing us from faith to faith. And that’s fine with us — sometimes. On paper. In theory, from the pulpit on Sunday.

But in reality?

Is it just me, or do others find thoughts running through their minds:

This is what works for us in our marriage, and that’s how it is.

This is my decision about children.

The work of the Holy Spirit in this age is ____. Period.

Church should be _____.

My parents have issues. They just do.

Our family can never be like them.

These are my weaknesses. I am what I am.

They’ll never change.

I’ll never change.

Of course, those are the big things. Then there are the little thoughts we have all day long that paint us into a corner, that leave God out of the equation. It’s so easy to live life based on the truth that we can see, forgetting that with God, there’s a whole other realm of Reality that we can experience.

And so I’ll keep singing today, letting the Lord confront all of my human vows and judgments, bringing me repentance and the reminder that He is so much greater than I give Him credit for:

I have made You too small in my eyes
O Lord, forgive me;
And I have believed in a lie
That You were unable to help me.
But now, O Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong;
And in my eyes and with my song
O Lord, be magnified

Be magnified, O Lord
You are highly exalted;
And there is nothing You can’t do
O Lord, my eyes are on You.

I have leaned on the wisdom of men
O Lord, forgive me;
And I have responded to them
Instead of Your light and Your mercy.
But now, O Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong;
And in my eyes with my song
O Lord, be magnified
O Lord, be magnified.

i have been…

…eating apple pie, made yesterday for the last supper. It’s a new crust recipe. And it’s a keeper.

…thinking about David. How he didn’t shirk or doubt the will of God — even when it was obscure, ridiculed, and plain old dangerous. Even when it may have left him scratching his head and wondering if he really was in the will of God.

…listening to Alison Krauss. Again. When I listen to her, I feel like I’m supposed to: closer to 30 than 16. Yes, the days of Gwen are being left behind.

…spending a chunk of change at Target. It’s not much fun to watch them ring up the bill for things like, oh, saran wrap and garbage bags. There oh so many more fun things I could buy… Oh well. I guess this is life closer to 30 than 16.

…loving today’s focus: his future.

Having a vision doesn’t necessarily mean knowing the specifics about what is going to happen next. It has to do with sensing the general direction you’re moving in and having hope that something good is on the horizon. It’s knowing that you do have a future and a purpose, and that it is bright.

If the Law of the Lid is true, then I want a husband who is gripped, continually, by a vision of eternity and his destiny in God. That’s worth praying for, don’t you think?