special days

:: Last night we three squeezed onto a bench for two, the little guy pressed against the train window, lest he miss even a second of the experience. I smiled. “I like our little family.” I can’t wait for we three to become we four…but this threesome has been absolutely delightful. Daddy and Mama each holding the hand of happily tripping, running, hopping toddler as we make our way down the street. Laying heads on pillows with his little head between. Dinnertime filled with proud parent eyes focused on little man’s latest antics. We three. What fun it’s been.

:: At the dinner table, Ryan was playing his favorite game with Jameson. (“Say, ‘Dog’. Say, ‘Cat’…”) He threw into the mix a few new ones, including, “Say, ‘Danica’.” Jameson smiled and promptly responded, “Mom.”

Made me smile. Yup. I’m your mom, kiddo.

:: I wrapped a stack of presents last night after he’d been put to bed. Presents for his second birthday. Amazing. Not just that he’s already two years old, but that he’s lived two years of life and all that means. I feel like he just got here, but no. He’s already spent two years watching, learning, developing, figuring it all out.

:: Sweet little arms circle my neck in his sleep. He stirs a bit and whispers, “Mom… Mom,” and drifts back to his slumber, assured that I am still there. I watch his face as features relax, find stillness for those few hours. Little nose, sweet mouth, long lashes on soft cheeks… How can it be so wonderful, and so deeply sad, all at once?

I watch him in the rearview mirror while we drive along. He is noticing it all, no longer a babe, but a little boy, learning his world. The CD plays a familiar lullaby: “I don’t want to kiss you goodnight / I’ll just keep on holding you tight / ‘Cause baby I know you’ll change and you’ll grow / You’ll get bigger with each morning light…” And I remember. I remember cradling his newborn body in my yet weak from delivery arms, singing that song while tears streamed down my face. I knew then that this babe of mine was born to be a man. He’ll make me proud. But there’s an ache there, too. He says a new word, and I beam, but sometimes a tear slips out before I have a chance to hide it. Sometimes I squeeze his little hand, so happy to hold mine, just to know he’s still my baby. For now. For a little while.

And I’m going to love this little while the best I can.

8 Comments special days

  1. Dottie

    Danica, I like your little “mistake” in the sentence, “I like out little family.” At first, I thought it was a quote by Jameson and was trying to figure it out, but, never-the-less, it’s cute! Keep enjoying this time with your little family but what is soon to come will be even more special! Blessings!

  2. Angela S.

    *sigh* I wish I knew your secret. I just spent the last three hours trying to figure out a way to get away from my kids more often. Sleeping faces = relief, not enjoyment. Rides in the car = getting unbuckled while the car is in motion, hitting one another, and wacking the window with toys. I can’t even relate to a “three-some.” We’re a seven-some. Games at the dinnertable are mainly illegal ones followed by visits to the bathroom. I’m pretty much convinced our family will never catch up in training our children to the point of making parenting tolerable, much less enjoyable. Delete my comment if you want. *sob*

  3. Lori

    Aww. You made me cry, too. It’s a good reminder. Sometimes it is too easy to wish the little ones were older and more independent, but I know I will truly miss the “needing mama” phase. It’s good you are soaking it all in.

  4. Alleluiabelle

    How beautiful! My daughter is due to have her baby around December 30. I love my grandchildren
    so much that I feel the same way you do about them as well. I keep reminding my children
    that these sweet little ones grow way to fast and that each moment with them is so very,
    very precious. As I read your descriptive words of looking at your child, his fine little
    features, your feelings, it brought back sweet, sweet memories when my children were at that
    age and now I’m just mezmorized at the same things you are with my grandchildren. I always
    tell them that my kisses will remain on their cheeks forever and ever and that they never
    get washed away. I asked my grandson who is 4 1/2 years old yesterday how many kisses he
    wanted while getting ready to leave in the car to go to pre-k and he said, “Nana, I want a
    thousand”. As I waved to him as he left, tears streamed down my cheeks at such sweet innocense
    and heavenly joy. I love you Danica, and even though we haven’t had the time to connect, you’re
    still my Danica!

    Love and Blessings,
    Nancy C.

  5. Kim Flack

    What a beautiful post! I know exactly what you mean as Caleb is rapidly approaching his 2nd birthday as well! It’s bittersweet, that’s for sure!:-)

  6. brietta

    This morning at the breakfast table the kids were discussing other kids who are the same ages as them. Gabriel said very excitedly, “Now Jameson and Jackson are the same age, because they’re both two!” and it took me aback (even though I had paused to realize at one point on Monday that he was having a birthday). Time is flying by and it really does bring the realization that we are a vapor. What a privilege to get to be part of these little ones’ lives for a season!


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