Post Category → scripture

2011 thoughts

[A post written for my benefit. Bear with me!]

Here we are, almost to the second week of January. Wow. Really?

New Year’s Eve caught me unprepared (as it seems to have done for several years counting.) Where did the year go? Sand slipping between my fingers — it can seem like a vapor. And yes, in some ways, it is. But how good it is to know that God saw those days, and the service that filled them, as seeds sown.

And a pause, laying in bed on New Year’s Eve, gave me a chance to recall the year.

2011 began with a bang. Literally. Josh and Carson showed up with sledge hammers and trash bags that first week and started the huge project of renovating the front rooms of our house. Some weeks of big progress, many weeks of chipping away, and by August, our floors were oiled, our walls painted, and it was all done enough to settle in and be ready for a new baby. (Not that she needs a new music room, but having the grand piano out of our bedroom seemed like it would be a nice idea!)

Olivia moved in that month, too. She lived in our yellow guest room for 9 months, and was sunshine to our family. She befriended William when he was still hesitant about anyone but Mama, and watched him grow from baby to boy. She joked with Ryan, played Legos with Jameson, read books to William, and quietly slipped alongside me to fold laundry or set the table or just smile. We loved, loved, loved her.

January also found me sitting in a chair, sleeping on the couch, and generally hiding from the world as much as possible. Morning (or day) sickness took all the unction out of me, but somewhere in February, I started to feel like myself again. And then in March, somewhere around week 18, I found Regina Willette and a homebirth was planned, again. Once again, my pregnancy passed with no complications, and anticipation and excitement grew along with my belly — which was, once again, huge!

The spring was beautiful, if a bit slow at times, and we passed the time with lots of garden rehab and walks and preparations for CFA’s Cinderella and The Glass Slipper. William enjoyed his first year of being a “big boy”, and he and Jameson played outside for hours, finding favorite spots in the yard for their pirating and cowboying and other exciting things. And bikes, of course. For hours.

We had a visit from our friends Emre and Sevi in January, and then Ryan and I flew to California in March. Besides enjoying the chance to see our very-missed friends, it was also our first overnight travel without kids since pre-Jameson!

Trips to Maine and Long Island and Montreal, buying our neighboring field and a new roof and chipping away at the renovation, lots of trips to Beans’ pool and Nana’s yard and quiet days at home — all of this, and the summer was over. How quickly it goes!

Beatrice was born, William broke his arm, Olivia moved back home, Jameson had a bonfire birthday, Louissa and Josiah prepared for and then celebrated their wedding, William turned 3, and we eased into a bit of “real” Kindergarten work.

CFC began meeting in two locations, we began hosting a large and exciting Young Couples meeting, and Jameson started attending Friday School (and was quite pleased to be in the Christmas concert!)

Washing machines spun, the refrigerator was filled and emptied, filled and emptied, and dishes were washed at least 3 times a day. Bedsheets were changed, diapers outgrown, manners taught, attitudes addressed. Lego towers were admired, Playmobil carriages assembled, and dress-up creativity applauded. Sometimes I got out of my pajamas before 7am, and other days, I just put clean ones on before bed. Some days lists were crossed off with vim and vigor. Some days we barely got through bare essentials. Every day we did our best to love one another and honor Jesus. And two, then three, little people grew and grew and grew.

So, yes, sand between my fingers. Vapors. But somehow, in His economy, beads strung on the thread of time, all adding up to more than we can measure. I look at this past year with this confidence, and it shapes my perspective on the year to come:

Do not be deceived; God is not mocked. For whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.

thoughts on liberty: an email from my dad

I want to share here “some thoughts” that my dad sent around as an email a year or two ago, and then again recently. In this essay, he answers the question, “Why don’t you drink?”

I’m posting this here for three reasons:

First, his intro, which explores the idea of Christian liberties and how we are to handle such things, is really, really good, and can be applied to so many areas of our lives as we sort out such issues.

Second, his thoughts on the actual topic, drinking, are insightful and I think should be pondered as this particular liberty is addressed.

Thirdly, I’m posting this because my dad is worth emulating. I can’t say enough about not only his integrity, character, and ongoing (and always-growing) passion for the Lord, but also his consistent lifestyle of true discipleship and laying his life down for his brother.

When I encounter a “gray” area of Christianity, a liberty which I may or may not partake of, I should do two things: Look for someone I can follow as I follow Christ (part of “getting wisdom”, which we are urged over and over to do in Proverbs, is simply following in the footsteps of the wise), and also, ask what’s best for my brother.

Dear Family—

I’ve taken some time to write out my answer to the question, “Why I Don’t Drink.” Please understand
that I’m not trying to answer the question, “Is It Wrong for a Christian to Drink?” Those are two entirely different questions. In answering the question, I trace my thinking back to a time when I examined the issue of drinking from the standpoint of positive purpose and negative impact, NOT from the standpoint of biblical license or prohibition. Just because something is “allowed” does not mean it’s good or that it should be encouraged.

Consider these examples:

Christians are “allowed” to sow sparingly; yet I provoke myself and others to sow abundantly.

Christians are “allowed” to be absent from the gathering of believers for worship, prayer, and instruction; we do not hold to the Roman Catholic doctrine of “holy days of obligation” (those specified days where failure to participate in the Eucharistic celebration is a mortal sin, a sin so serious that without the absolution of a priest, even the practicing Roman Catholic risks the fires of hell); yet I provoke myself and others to forego the ‘liberty of absence’ and instead embrace the ‘slavery of commitment.’

Why? In a single word, the answer is Purpose. I am not living aimlessly; I have a clear, compelling
purpose for living:

Phil 1.21 For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

Ac 11:23 When he came and had seen the grace of God, he was glad, and encouraged them all that with purpose of heart they should continue with the Lord.

Ac 26:16 ‘But rise and stand on your feet; for I have appeared to you for this purpose, to make you a minister and a witness both of the things which you have seen and of the things which I will yet reveal to you.

2Ti 3:10 But you have carefully followed my doctrine, manner of life, purpose, faith, longsuffering, love, perseverance…

1Co 9:26 Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air.

Below I have listed out, as best as I could catalog them, the reasons I don’t drink. I think it’s important to note that while no single reason may be a “slam-dunk”, taken together, these thoughts have guided me to the position I’ve held for many years. In some ways this is like the argument for the existence of God: as we examine that issue, we may find that no one argument is by itself conclusive, but the consistent indications of the existence of God in a variety of contexts (Design, First Cause, Conscience, etc.) leads us to a solid conclusion.

The Reasons I Don’t Drink

1. I don’t need to drink; my life is fine without alcoholic beverages.

2. My identity is secure without alcohol. I don’t need to derive any sense of identity or maturity from imbibing ‘adult beverages’ – I don’t need to drink in order to feel ‘grown-up’.

3. 100% of the people who don’t drink remain sober; I want to be one of them. I say and do enough stupid things already; I really can’t afford to add alcohol to the mix.

4. In our cultural context, there is a recognizable uneasiness regarding drinking; whether or not there should be uneasiness doesn’t matter; the simple fact is that there IS uneasiness about it. (NOTE: This uneasiness is not without precedent. There is an obvious link between drinking and both drunkenness and alcoholism, neither of which are very good.) And while I’m convinced that my drinking or my not drinking would probably have little or no impact on most people, I’m also convinced that at least a few people would be negatively affected by my drinking. Who? Some of the unbelievers, some of the believers, some of the former and current alcoholics, and most of all, some of those I am trying to raise up and stir up in the Lord. My call is not to prove to the world that Christians have the liberty to drink; they do, and I would champion that liberty in the face of any and all religionists who might attempt to steal it away. But my call is to edify, to stir myself and others to love and good works in the Lord, not to engage in every lawful activity simply because it’s lawful. And if I, by exercising my liberty to imbibe, compromise my position to edify, I’ve forfeited something extremely precious.

5. While there may be some great examples out there that I am not aware of, I have yet to see a movement of Christians who have maintained both a lifestyle of drinking AND a passionate commitment to Christ in a multi-generational context. By that I mean that both they AND succeeding generations are intense in their passion and pursuit of the Lord Jesus. The believers I know who have practiced a lifestyle of drinking have generally struggled with their own passion for the Lord or have seen one or more of their children struggling (often with alcohol or substance abuse). So if someone says to me, “I drink and I’m still a good Christian; I still feel close to the Lord”, I’m entirely unimpressed. What will impress me is the Christian drinker who is able to say, “I’ve been drinking for a lifetime; I’m active and passionate in the things of God. I never get drunk, and my children are all drinkers and they have embraced a lifestyle of drinking and passionate discipleship as well.”

6. People who drink do so for a variety of reasons, but a common reason (although they won’t necessarily admit it) is that it feels good. I know, I know; some will swear all day long that it’s the “taste” and not the feeling; I’m sorry, but I just don’t buy it. This points to a bit of a dilemma: How much can you drink, and how “good” can you feel, before you’ve had too much and you’re feeling “too good”? Or to put it another way, when exactly do you become “drunk”? Is there a definable blood alcohol level that is the “line” you shouldn’t cross? The point is this: you don’t suddenly “become drunk”; you are moving toward “drunk” as soon as you have your first drink. Most of the Christian drinkers I have spoken to have admitted that they have, in fact, crossed “the line” at some point in their drinking, that they had a little too much and were feeling a little “tipsy”. (Few will admit that they were actually “drunk — but how many drunks ever admit to it?!!!) So, here’s a question: if “buzzed driving” is “drunk driving” (as the Ad Council and the NHTSA say), does that mean that “buzzed Christian drinking” is “drunk Christian drinking”? Now, I’m pretty sure that very few believers who are drinking will end up so “under the influence” that they dance on the coffee table with a lampshade on their head. But I’m also pretty sure that a good number of believers who drink are going to be “feeling good” by the end of the night, and it won’t be entirely the Holy Spirit that’s making them happy. So my question is this: Is that something I want to encourage and multiply? Is that something I want to reproduce in my own life and the lives of others? Hardly.

7. I have bigger fish to fry than proving you can drink and still be a Christian. I’ll let someone else be the spokesman for that cause; someone else can experiment with their kids and with those they are called to impact for Christ. I am more concerned with stirring myself, my children and those around me to fervent worship, fellowship, study, prayer, & evangelism.

Having said all that, I don’t think drinking alcohol is sin. I have no condemnation in my heart for the
person who drinks. I simply know that I have been forced to think through the issue of drinking and to
consider the ramifications of it. And having done that, I’ve decided that although I have complete freedom to drink, I choose to abstain…

Most of the time! When Louissa, Mom and I were in Vienna in 2007, we stayed with a local couple
we contacted through a bed and breakfast directory. It turned out that on our second day with them
they celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary. They were absolutely thrilled to share this special
occasion with new friends from America! They set a lovely table, complete with eggs, bacon, juice, fruit, and…champagne! And do you know what? There was no way that I was going to turn down the bubbly. They were too excited!. And I had absolutely no concerns about my sanctification. Actually, my biggest concern was knowing that even a few sips of the champagne would give me a terrible headache for the remainder of the day – which it did! – but I concluded that it was worth it in order to participate in this couple’s joyful celebration.

Dad

30

thirty

A very poor night’s sleep, thanks to a bad head cold, ended quite pleasantly when a certain four year old snuck into bed next to me early this morning. After a long time of cuddling and trying to sleep, he finally whispered, “Can I watch videos on your iPhone?” Treat of all treats: laying all warm and snuggly in Mama’s bed watching all the Little Bear that youtube has to offer. William joined us, too, and we three made a happy lazy bunch. (Ryan slept on the couch. He said he didn’t want to disrupt the head-cold-sleeper, but I have a sneaking suspicion he was the one avoiding disrupted sleep!)

I made cornmeal mush. It’s my birthday, and not much sounds better when you’re just feeling crummy. I enjoyed my coffee alongside William, who’d pulled out playmobil pirates as soon as his feet hit the ground.

I found a lovely little birthday gift of springtime promise on the kitchen counter (SEEDS!), left by the very thoughtful and sweet Olivia.

I buried myself under an afghan on the couch, and two boys played pirates ON TOP of me. I’m not complaining. I like being loved, what can I say?

I read 100+ kind birthday wishes on my FB page. They made me smile.

I made a fort for the boys out of blankets+kitchen table. They played cowboys, then knights, then cowboys, then a strange futuristic combo. I watched from the couch and soaked up all the wonderfulness of having children who enjoy one another. (BTW: the fact that I was noting and enjoying this should imply that it’s not always the case. Ha!)

I heated up leftovers for lunch. Jameson declared how much he loved it. William, in true William-style, ate all the flavorful sauce and left the rice. We told jokes and sang songs and observed that I’d never gotten them dressed that morning. Jameson said “that’s because it’s a cuddly day.”

I tucked them into their beds, then sat and sang two songs (Twinkle Twinkle and Amazing Grace — new songs!!). William fell asleep while I read Heidi.

And now I’m tucked into my own bed with burning eyes and a fuzzy head, and wondering if maybe I’m actually turning 80, ’cause that’s how I feel.

But no, I’m 30. And I’m not sad about that, or negative or depressed or any of the above. I have no issue with growing older, so long as God continues to give grace to live faithfully for Him (and He will.) I won’t miss being in my twenties, though I’ll get choked up when I look at certain pictures, because memories are dear. The future isn’t known to me, but it’s far from uncertain, and it comes to me a day at a time. I don’t have to be scared.

In fact, the prevailing thought I have this year, as I try to pause and take note of passing time more than I usually do (who pays attention to their 27th birthday, for example?) is the promise of Proverbs 4:

But the path of the just is like the shining sun,
That shines ever brighter unto the perfect day.

Not easier, necessarily; not smoother, or lacking greater challenges. But brighter… unto the Perfect Day (a Day I can’t wait for.)

And since I’ve wandered into the realm of exhortation, I’ll just tack on the end of Proverbs 4, too, which is such wonderful wisdom for how to continue on that path of the just:

My son, give attention to my words;
Incline your ear to my sayings.
Do not let them depart from your eyes;
Keep them in the midst of your heart;
For they are life to those who find them,
And health to all their flesh.
Keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it spring the issues of life.
Put away from you a deceitful mouth,
And put perverse lips far from you.
Let your eyes look straight ahead,
And your eyelids look right before you.
Ponder the path of your feet,
And let all your ways be established.
Do not turn to the right or the left;
Remove your foot from evil.

I am bound and determined that growing old is going to equal knowing Jesus more. Me decreasing, Him increasing. Finding what it means to have my strength supernaturally renewed. Outward perishing, inward renewed every day.

ephesians 2: But God

today’s manna:

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience — among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ — by grace you have been saved — and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

christmas promises

As much as I love a good orchestral arrangement of The Christmas Song, and as lovely as images of sleigh rides and mistletoe and being home for the holidays may be, today I’m glad that Christmas is about more than that. I’m glad to hear these words and marvel at them:

And the glory, the glory of the Lord
Shall be revealed
And all flesh shall see it together
For the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it.

This morning, I’m sitting by stockings hung with care. A beautiful tree is glowing in the other room. Out my window, the most exquisite shades of blue and gray and luminescent white are slowly giving way to light. It’s perfect.

But is there a promise anywhere that this is how I’ll spend every December? That this “perfection” will be my children’s experience? No, no such promise.

Although stockings, cozy homes, peaceful landscapes, beautiful music streaming from Pandora are not guaranteed, there is a promise I can count on for myself and for my children:

The glory of the Lord shall be revealed. For the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it…

For behold, darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness the people; but the Lord shall arise upon thee, and His glory shall be seen upon thee. And the Gentiles shall come to thy light, and kings to the brightness of thy rising.

Then shall the eyes of the blind be opened, and the ears of the deaf unstopped. Then shall the lame man leap as an hart, and the tongue of the dumb shall sing.

Worthy is the Lamb that was slain, and hath redeemed us to God by His blood, to receive power, and riches, and wisdom, and strength, and honour, and glory, and blessing. Blessing and honour, glory and power, be unto Him that sitteth upon the throne, and unto the Lamb, for ever and ever. Amen.

(Read the entire libretto here. Is that good stuff or what?)