oswald chambers: november 10th

He writes,

After sanctification, it is difficult to state what your purpose in life is, because God has moved you into His purpose through the Holy Spirit. He is using you now for His purposes throughout the world as He used His Son for the purpose of our salvation. If you seek great things for yourself, thinking, “God has called me for this and for that,” you barricade God from using you. As long as you maintain your own personal interests and ambitions, you cannot be completely aligned or identified with God’s interests. This can only be accomplished by giving up all of your personal plans once and for all, and by allowing God to take you directly into His purpose for the world. Your understanding of your ways must also be surrendered, because they are now the ways of the Lord.

I must learn that the purpose of my life belongs to God, not me. God is using me from His great personal perspective, and all He asks of me is that I trust Him. I should never say, “Lord, this causes me such heartache.” To talk that way makes me a stumbling block. When I stop telling God what I want, He can freely work His will in me without any hindrance. He can crush me, exalt me, or do anything else He chooses. He simply asks me to have absolute faith in Him and His goodness. Self-pity is of the devil, and if I wallow in it I cannot be used by God for His purpose in the world. Doing this creates for me my own cozy “world within the world,” and God will not be allowed to move me from it because of my fear of being “frost-bitten.” (– my utmost for his highest)

we miss you.

louissaThe little man and I miss you, weese. We talked about you today — about the night you came and held him, and about the night that you tearfully and relunctantly said goodbye. I wore that sweater you gave me then, by the way. Finally! Either my baby bulge has lessened, or I’ve just come to terms with it. (No comments on this, please.)

Jameson says to tell you that he’s wearing 3-6 month with no trouble, and that he definitely recommends 6-9 months for any winter-garb purchases. He also says he’s working on getting fatter and even cuter for your visit, and he hopes to have his smile perfected by then. (Of course he’ll save one just for you!) He’s proud to report that he’s bigger than Mara, even though, in true gentlemanly fashion, he gave her a five month lead. I, for my part, am vacillating between a proud mama and a sad-to-see-her-newborn-go mama.

Anyway, we think about you all the time. Whenever we have a little photo session, I remind him to look nice for his far-away aunty. Doesn’t he listen nicely? Aren’t his pictures cute? I try to keep them updated regularly so you can watch him grow. (Well, you and several other family members.)

Come soon. Jameson can’t wait for you to see his Christmas tree, and for you to hold him while I frost cookies. Won’t that be fun? We think so.

Love you, weese.

update

From the day I found out I was pregnant, I was deeply aware of God’s sovereignty in the creation of life. What I had been surprised by, He had been planning since before the foundations of the earth. Wow. And now that I’m holding this little man in my arms, I’m even more aware of the stewardship we’ve been given. Jameson is not ours, nor is his existance our doing; it is all God, and there is a plan. I marvel at all this, knowing that Jameson wasn’t born simply because God likes babies (although I think He does!), but that he was set apart “from his mother’s womb” and has already been ordained “a prophet to the nations.” Life is amazing, and that we should be its stewards…

I’ve been recalling life one year ago, realizing that while I was busy making lists for Christmas shopping, God was getting ready to start creating Ryan Jameson. How much more grand are His thoughts than ours!

My devotion, as of late, has been of the “whatever you do unto the least of these” variety. Cradle my baby — worship. Carefully select Ryan’s menus — worship. Speak more kindly — worship. Pray for my son — worship. Sweep the floor — worship. Light the candles — worship. Be a wife, a homemaker, a mother — worship.

These are my simple offerings, Lord. Draw my heart to Yours, somehow, as I offer it to You through these gestures.

Sitting and nursing the baby this afternoon, I became aware of the faint strains of a fife. Was it my imagination? No — the sounds of the American Revolution grew stronger, and soon, Julia and the rest of the family was coming through my door. I smiled. What a wonderful sound. And how much more wonderful to be so close to such precious people. I love them all.

At the end of August, we rushed to Maine, my belly ready to burst, because Ryan’s mom was in critical condition. An aneurysm had burst in her brain. Amazingly, she recovered, even through multiple complications. In mid-October we saw her again, and she was her cheery self, on her own, chafing to be allowed to drive and get back to her job. There were still questions as to whether or not another aneurysm existed in her brain, and if it would necessitate another operation. The news came yesterday: the aneurysm is not there. Amazing!! Ryan and I are so thankful and more convinced than ever that the Lord answers prayer.

Feeding the baby has left me time to peruse recipes, which I love to do. Sometimes I’m trying to find out how to eat better and more economically. Sometimes I’m just looking for yummy food! This seemed to satisfy both qualifications. I’d wanted to try it last year, but dismissed it as “too fussy.” This year, I finally realized that Ryan and I are only two people, and that while pureeing an entire pot of soup may have been overwhelming back when I cooked for the entire Sinclair clan, I could probably manage for the two of us. I played with the recipe a bit: I used olive oil instead of butter, and left out the cream, but it was still rich and flavorful. It’s my new favorite fall soup — the perfect texture and flavor for a gray afternoon. Try it! (I think it just may be the soup-of-the-week!)

I’m a morning person who married a night person. For over a year, I tried my best to stay up with Ryan, tried not to complain when he wanted to start the movie at around 9 or 10 (!!), and tried (really I did!) to enjoy sleeping in on Saturdays with him. But alas, I couldn’t break my morning-person habits. However, the new man in my life now has been staying up until 2am, and I, for the first time ever, am happy to sleep in till 9!

I feel so blessed. So many young women are on their own when it comes to biblical womanhood and mothering, but I am surrounded by my mother and so many others in my life who are quick to offer wisdom and encouragement, and most of all, their example. And I consider it an extra-special blessing to live down the road from my highly capable, Kingdom seeking sister during this new season of motherhood. My mom and my sister, all on one block? Too good to be true!

my mysteries

I know for a fact that my mother raised nine children, and she did it without farming us all out for a month every time a new baby was born.

I know for a fact that my sister comes to church with three children in tow — and they’re all dressed with matching socks and hair bows. Oh, and she’s dressed, too.

So then, I wonder, why is it that day after day, no matter how hard I try, by 11:00 all I have to show for my efforts is a dressed and clean baby who is fed and back asleep — while I am still unshowered, in my pj’s, sitting in the midst of the mess that little elves must make while we sleep at night. (The fact that I go to bed with a tidy house and wake up to clutter is a mystery I have yet to unravel. HOWEVER, my socks don’t disappear in the dryer. One less mystery for me to solve.)

And while we’re on the subject of “how do they do it”, what do I do when Jameson outgrows morning naps, but I need to take a shower? By baby #3, I suppose there are older siblings who can scream the alarm when the house catches on fire, or the baby is stuck between the rungs on the highchair, but what about with baby #1?

Maybe I’ll just cross that bridge when I get there. And maybe I should hurry up and take my walk while my baby-who-still-naps is napping. (Another question for another day: how do you exercise with more than one baby to juggle?)

P.S. Did you all get a good look at the photo below? Can you imagine waking up to that little face every morning? Even if it’s because he just spit up all over my sheets, it’s still the sweetest greeting I’ve ever gotten.