speak: v.2*

I’m so thankful for a seeing, hearing, speaking God. I need to know He sees me, and hears me, and it’s really nice to know that He even speaks to me.

:: Last night I was playing some worship songs at the piano, and looking out the window toward the evening sky. There, straight up, was a single star (probably a planet, since they’re the only things bright enough to shine through this brightly-lit stretch of sky), and the sight of it touched me. I felt like I saw God. “There He is! Looking right in our window!”

And I sang my heart out.

Even though I know that God doesn’t live on a star. Or a planet.

:: I was reading Psalm 84 some more. I read,

I would rather stand at the threshold of the house of my God
Than dwell in the tents of wickedness.

and it touched me.

;: Life, as you can imagine, has been a bit out of whack. Funny how trapped our souls are in these physical bodies. You move 3,000 miles, and your soul goes into a tailspin, trying to figure out which way is up. I read that verse and thought, “That’s where I am. Standing at the threshold. Watching God on the big-screen TV in the overflow room.”

I read it again, and tears welled up.

I’d still rather be here, Lord. Even the overflow room is better than anywhere else.

:: Jameson seems to be going through some changes in his sleep needs and schedules. Mostly, he’s suddenly hard to lay down. He wakes up every time I move at all, and it takes forever for him to fall asleep soundly at night. Since I’m doing my best to be the perfect model of a high-strung first-time mother, instead of just taking this in stride, I lend my ear to whispers of doubt. What if I’m doing this wrong? What if I’m off my rocker to be so laid back in my approach to sleep and schedules? Wouldn’t my life be so much better if I could just lay him down at 2:00 and walk away?

And then today, I stumbled upon this. I don’t post that link to make any sort of statement, but just to say, it touched me.

It’s okay to lay your life down the best you know how, I heard the Lord say.

Surely there is more to learn, and He will give me more and more wisdom as I seek His ways. And maybe (hopefully!) mothering will be totally different for me in 10 years.

But for now, all I can do is follow the light at my feet.

And what a faithful Light it is.

*There’s a v.2 because Ryan thought the original post was 90% mulligrubs (if you don’t know that word, think Eeyore) and only 10% “but God”. Well, that’s not at all what I wanted to communicate! What I intended to share was the joy of hearing from the Lord in such a personal way. Doesn’t your soul just leap when the Lord’s voice lets you know He sees just where you are, and He’s there, aware, knowing, loving?

3 Comments speak: v.2*

  1. Angela

    I read Ps eighty four today myself. This, Danica, is a beautiful post and made me cry. My boys went through that same sleeping thing. May I offer a word of encouragement? You are not doing anything wrong. Please remember that you are Jameson’s mom for a reason. The Lord created you to be his mother and you are the right mother for him. No amt of scheduling or what have you is going to change that. I know you know this, but I also know you’re far from home and missing those who are nearest and dearest to you. I’ve been there…all of this post brings to mind diff stages of life for me and I can relate. I really appreciated this. Thank you for being so real. I needed this myself. I’m sorry this is so long. I wish-and I mean I really really wish I could have heard you singing your heart out. I know the Lord loved it! He loves you, you are His favorite, and He thinks the world of your “momming”. :) Hugs!

  2. LisaCriscitello

    Yeah, please tell Ryan that we’re all requesting another “Danica playing and singing” video-
    And by the way, it’s probably Venus!
    Read Psalm 15- it’s AWESOME!

  3. beans

    Soooo… I was going to call you tonight, but I always forget how many hours behind us you are… 3? 4? As soon as I can get this fixed into my memory, I will be much more apt to call you. AND of course, when I don’t leave my cell phone in Lexi’s purse and she goes home with it. ;)

    Love you.


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