I love to find beauty in my days. I love to notice little moments of loveliness that might easily be rushed right past and forgotten. I work hard to make each moment something — books, crafts, chores with Mama, candles at supper, clean pj’s, tickles and kisses on bare bellies. Those things are little seeds.
There are some hours, even days, when it’s harder to see life as beautiful, as sowing seeds. And when life is less than beautiful, I find it hard to not blame myself for failing. When there is an hour of repeated blatant disobedience and a baby crying hysterically in the background, and two parents are finding it hard to not lose it in the emotional pressure-cooker of the moment, I most likely am thinking, “This is awful. What am I doing wrong?”
Sometimes? Nothing.
Why does it surprise me, when I live with three sinners (plus the one within), that there are messy hours? When these darling little babes are born into the world as haters of God, rebels from the get-go, why does it surprise me that faithful parenting sometimes means coming face to face with sin’s ugliness?
That awful hour of tried patience, multiple offenses and meted consequences, crying baby and general upheaval — is that any less sowing seeds than the quieter hours of reading and singing and dusting? In the midst of that chaos, isn’t it possible for me to hear a whisper of commendation: “Keep up the faithfulness; you’re doing great”?
From the right perspective, isn’t it even possible for me to see something beautiful — to see that my little men are having seeds of righteousness planted in their hearts? To see young parents who know so little about grace and patience learning the ways of a perfect Father?
It may not be the most fun sowing — but it is sowing. Necessary and invaluable sowing.
And I don’t need to flog myself for having failed; I don’t need to feel like I’ve let God down. Sin coming to the surface — that’s part of His plan, and part of the crazy adventure called Family.
In fact, if I’ve failed at all, it’s because I’ve hated those moments and wished them gone instead of being glad that grace is at work. I, too, want to see beauty in the ugly.
I honestly cried through this entire post.
I literally said the exact same thing this afternoon – “What am I doing WRONG?” Jack is in such a difficult season right now. One minute, I am awestruck by the sweetness and beauty of our moments together, and the next minute, I’m wondering how he could scream/hit/kick/throw with such ferocity. I tend to feel like his bad behavior is a reflection of my parenting even though I know I’m doing my best and praying that God fills in the gaps where I fall short.
I guess I’m just trying to say that this post is very timely for me and I’m grateful that you wrote it. It’s like a breath of fresh air when I remember that I’m not the only one navigating these waters {and how silly for me to ever think that in the first place}!
Danica, I hope you’ve discovered the music of Sara Groves. She is a lover of Jesus, a mom and wife, doer of justice and mercy… and she processes it all musically for the rest of us to ponder. I commend her music to you! Thanks for your lovely writings.
i am sorry to say but there is such a type of Yorkie call tea cup. i just means that it is a very small runt size puppy. be careful that is does develop any health problems. it can and will eat small bite puppy food of good quality . small dog have more problems with there teeth if they are feed to much soft food. ask you vet about how much to feed